Suicidal Sickness
by Asuka Saruwatari
Summary: What has happened to me? Why can't I control these unsightly thoughts? Why is that I purposely hurt myself just so Edward would show up. Yell at me about my so-called promise. Have I given up on life? Will I ever get better? Mid-New moon.
1. Chapter 1

Something grazed across my hand, slicing it with ease. I grimaced as the red fluid spilled over the table, my head falling as nausea overwhelmed me. I could hear a female scream as my vision blurred. 'Ms. Swan!' I continued to hear. Warm hands gripped my wrists, yanking me to my feet before stronger, bigger, _much_ hotter hands gripped over me. 'Bella.' This voice called. Someone close was holding me. But I knew it wasn't the man I wanted it to be. His hands were colder, _much_ colder. His masculine body appeared in front of me, his face blurred as I was losing sight of him. His skin glistened in the sun as I was rushed outside, thrown onto leather.

"Bella--" He hesitated, his pale fingers reaching toward me. "I thought I told you to be safe." His voice was mumbled. I was losing memory of my first love, my first boyfriend. My soulmate. His body became smaller as I stumbled to look through the window, my fingers grazing the glass; only to leave a bloody streak. I called out for him, tears streaming down my cheeks. I continued to claw; trying to dig my way through the glass. Only for my sight to give way, darkness overtaking my sight. My body thumped onto the leather, my stomach expelling its content. I couldn't stand the smell anymore. The smell of my blood; the reason why my soulmate left me. The burning hands reached me again; shaking me away.

"Bella!" His voice boomed in my ears, waking me. "Bella! Wake up!" How could I? I can't stand this smell. It makes me sick! "Sylvia! Hurry! She's losing too much blood." I felt movement near me, pressing something harder against the pain in my hand. Or was it my wrist? I do not know. The pain was numb, almost unnoticable, but I could feel it reaching my shoulder.

"Yes Mr. Black!" A woman's shrill voice forced my eyes to open as it pierced my sensitive ears. Dark hair cascaded over my eyes, just barely reaching over my eyes; but enough to blind me. Mr. Black; I only know two people with that last name. One is in a wheelchair, and the other was deeply in love with me. Jacob Black.

"Bella. It's going to be alright." His hushed voice, hot hands running over my cheeks; wiping the tear stains from my cheek. "She was hallucinating again." He whispered, probably to Sylvia; whom at the moment I have no clue is. "Over him." I heard a grunt, my hearing leaving me as the shrill voice began arguing, screaming. Darkness overcame me once again, but this time it stuck. I could hear Jacob's cries muffled as he shook me. But I could not wake up this time. I was gone. I heard soft clicks, screeches, and screams as the leather left my bare skin. Sirens echoed along with the screams.

"I am here in New York; in front of--" I groaned against the soft fabric that was replaced beneath me; an icy wind slicing my skin. The voices returned. "--where Ms. Swan, author of the best selling books was rushed to the hospital--" Why? Why were these people here?

"I told you." His voice echoed as I opened my eyes, only to be blinded by the forescense lights. But I could see his blurry figure. "To stay alive. To stay safe."

"I--tried." I mouthed as my voice would not come. I could feel the burning hand holding mine, Jacob's dark hair hanging over me. He was speaking with a man in a white coat, a solid; emotionless look on his face. I didn't like him already. Jacob suddenly left me, leaving my hand to cool down to it's normal temperature. Small pricks ran through my arm and a mask-like thing covered my lips, forcing oxygen into my body. I hadn't noticed that I was not breathing. How badly was I hurt? I barely remember the reason why I was brought here. I could hear orders echoing the small room I was in. Forcing my body to relieve the stress it was entering; small shocks hitting my chest, forcing my broken heart to beat.

What did I do to myself this time? Edward's figure showed again, leaning against the door frame of the incredibly white room, a frown plastered on his blurred face. "Bella." He hissed. I could see he was fighting against his so called monster. Fighting not to come and attack me. Though I knew fairly well he couldn't hurt me. I was ill. I was mentally ill. He was just an illusion. A sick trick my mind has been playing with me since I began to recover; if you can call it that. Loud beeps sent me out of my dream-like state I was in. Men and women were smiling through their masks, their sleeves covered in my blood that was still sending me nausea.

"Ms. Swan. Once again, you shall stay alive." One man grinned, almost happy that he sent me away from my so-called relief. He turned on his heels, leaving the room with several other people, but few stayed, checking on the machines I was hooked up too. They stuck something over my chest, probably my laptop and left the room as well. My vision was still blurred, and I was _chained_ to the bed. Though I knew I was not strong enough to lift myself. I was going to be stuck here once again. I knew that soon they would send me to that _hospital_; that helps people like myself. Was it going to be rehab; for my addiction to drinking and drugs? Or was it going to be that insitute; where they specify in mentally ill people? I do not know. Nor do I wish to know.

"Jacob--" I whispered, my throat raw from whatever I did to myself. He did not come. My laptop shined in front of me, showing a program. The one I used everytime my voice would not cooperate with me. I typed out his name, and suddenly a voice; much louder then my own exited through the speakers. Jacob's worried face burst through the door, a sigh of relief left his lips as he rushed to my side.

"Bella." He whispered; hot hands grabbing onto my own. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I don't remember what I did this time." I typed; the voice repeating it.

"I bet; you hit your head pretty hard again." His fingers touched the gauze that was wrapped around my head. "You cut open your hand again, pretty deep I might say." That didn't seem like much. His hot fingers grazed over the cotton covered stitches on my hand. "And when the smell reached you, you just collasped, slicing your head on the knife you used."

"Then why did I need oxygen? Why don't I have my voice?"

"You lost a lot of blood." He laughed softly, but it wasn't a happy laugh. "You've learned how to hit the right vein." He sighed, his thumb running cricles over the back of my hand. "I don't know why your voice has vanished. Maybe from the screaming." I don't remember myself screaming." But don't worry Bella. We'll make sure you get better. You won't suffer anymore." I felt the sting of tears again, burning my eyes before I ripped my hand away from his, pushing my laptop shut and curling into a ball. But before I shut my laptop I typed.

"I'll never get better. Not without him."

My body shook with pain later that night as the medication began to wear off. The doctors warned me that they would wean me off. I was hoping it wouldn't be this bad afterwards. Jacob was asleep across the room on the couch. The flash of cameras sparked through the small window on the door, photographers getting their money for the week. Nurses screamed at them to leave, squeezing their way into the room, rubbing my back soothenly.

"Don't worry honey." One of the older women hushed into my ear. "You'll get through this. You'll get stronger medicine." I just nodded my head, knowing fairly well what medicine she meant. She was the only one who didn't gawk at me, who didn't think of me as a celebrity. She was the best of them all. I cried a little harder, hearing Edward's voice echo through my head again, growling at me for my stupidity. I wasn't dumb; just messed up. The nurse hugged me close, sending her so called good vibes into my system. "If you believe, it'll end the pain." It did at times; but this time it wasn't. His voice wouldn't leave.

"Bella!" He growled from across the room. "I told you to stay safe! Not kill yourself every time you get the chance!" He snapped, his cold presence near mine. "You promised to stay alive!" He continued this all night. I couldn't sleep, not at all. Everything just zoomed by, the time at least. Doctors entered and left, cameras flashed at me, nurses gave me baths everyday. My bandages were changed, and close friends of mine would visit. Even Renee came to visit. She a course, wanted me to move back.

"But you must! Bella. Look at yourself!" My mother held up a mirror, showing myself my reflection. I looked almost like the Cullens, pale skin; ecept my own was sickly pale. I had the deep bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. "You're a mess!" I simply lifted my hand to touch my face, allowing my chilly fingers to run over the slight warm cheek. I smiled softly. All I needed was golden eyes.

"I got no sleep last night Mother." I forced myself to speak, allowing her to hear my destroyed voice.

"A course not! You were up crying. I was here Bella. You're killing yourself--over that boy! Sure; he was handsome, but he left you years ago. You're twenty three Bella. It's time to do something with your life."

"I'm rich. I don't care." Her hands laid on her hips, soft growls leaving her lips. She never liked how I put that in her face. Just because my real-life books were best sellers doesn't mean she gets to be angry.

"Bella." She knelt down to stare at me in the face, resting the mirror on a near-by table. "I came all this way from Florida. It's time you come home." But if I went there, Edward could not return.

"Why doesn't she come home with _me_?" Charlie's voice rang through me, only to force tears to come from my eyes. "Then Jacob can visit his father again."

"Are you crazy Charlie!" Renee yelled. "That's where Edward left her. Don't you think she's gone through enough."

"Renee. It might do her some good. She ran away from home after high school. If she comes home and just rethink it over, then maybe. Just maybe it'll help with her broken mind." Renee glared at Charlie for a moment before facing me, though I couldn't tell where her eyes were staring; the tears blurring my vision.

"Bella, do you want to go back to Forks?" I simply nodded my head. It would do me some good. I could look at their home once again. Relive the happy moments I had with the Cullens. I could see her simply grin at my decision, then turned to Charlie. "Looks like she's going home with you Charlie." I could hear him laugh in triumph; happy he won me over. Could I be release from Edward's invisable bond? I guess I would find out soon.

--

A/n: Sorry for errors. Microsoft Office isn't working. Had to use Word Pad; no spell check.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting into the hospital; was so easy compared to leaving the place. My head rested on my open palm; my elbow resting on the arm chair of my stupid wheelchair. I stared at the sliding glass doors that sealed my fate of being seen. I turned to look up at my parents whom gulped, preparing for the possible ambush of my fans and paparazzi. The nurse stood behind me, gripping onto a mirror as she fixed her face, globbing on more make-up then I thought possible. She reminded me of Lauren Mallory for some reason. Her silver blond hair shown bright, as if she sprayed on a shine. She glossed up her lips and straightened out her nurse outfit before facing me, grinning.

"Are you ready Ms. Swan?" She sweetly spoke, though I could hear jealousy through her words. I raised an eyebrow as I stared at her front tooth where a large amount of lipstick was stuck.

"Are you ready Ms. Nurse lady?" I sounded like a child speaking her the way I did, but she was clearly new, and had no name-tag. Was she even a nurse? She stared at me, confused before she checked herself again; screaming as she found the discoloration on her tooth. She smiled, her lips tight before running toward the nearest bathroom. Renee took her place, smiling as she stroked my hair. "Don't worry Mom. You look fabulous." I complimented.

"Are you sure you want to go home with Charlie?" She asked, almost uncertain of my decision I made during my drug induced body. I nodded, holding up my bottle of medication; though I told the doctor I would need more. He never listens to me since I went to rehab the _first_ time. "Alright. Charlie, don't embarrass our star child now. Yah hear?"

"She isn't a star Renee. Just a famous writer." Charlie explained, though he knew clearly well he was pissing her off. I heard the wheels of my chair squeal at the sudden motion, pushing me toward the now opening doors. I could hear the so-called nurse screaming behind us about stealing her spotlight; then I heard security take her away. Then, the shouting began.

"Ms. Swan!" Those two words were overused. "What happened here last night!?" Usually followed my name. Renee pushed me through the touching hands while Charlie got in front of us, acting like a body guard. The paparazzi insisted on interviews. It's a bad thing to live here in New York. It'll be a relief to get out of this hell hole. I squeezed into my car along with my parents, Jacob driving. We sped off as I pulled off the tag that laid on my wrist. I could still hear the paparazzi screaming behind us.

"Got out, nice." Jacob grinned as I crawled into the front seat, leaving my divorced parents to sit behind us. "How you feeling Bella?"

"Pretty good. The nurse was right. Medication is much better." I grinned as he quickly read the bottle.

"No alcohol, you got that? It could be fatal with this stuff." I puffed up my cheeks like a small child before turning to look outside at my home of New York. The lights blurred as we drove by; people chattering. The streets grew familar, Jacob quickly swerving into the large garage complex. "We're here." He muttered as I hopped out, smoothing out the dark jeans I wore. My parents had already begun bickering; something I do not know about nor care. I sighed, standing inside the elevator, trying to ignore the arguing of my parents, their constant bicker over probably nothing.

"Welcome to my world Jacob." I muttered, staring up at the blinking numbers, signalling the floor we were on. He only chuckled, grabbing an arm around my shoulder.

"Bella." He whispered into my ear, his eyes still on my parents. "At least Renee didn't bring Phil." I stiffened at the thought of Phil and Charlie arguing, probably over a baseball player. I laughed, rushing out of the small space. I burst into my room, taking in its sweet smell. Hospitals have always smelt funny, loved the scent of mine. I heard my parents gasp in awe.

"Wow. Bella. You really are rich." They both whispered as I grinned. The last time the two visited I was in a small flat on the other side of town; now I lived in a fairly large flat with a beautiful view. The living room was spacious and was connected to my kitchen. Right smack in the middle of the living room laid my grand piano with one of the many laptops on top. They continued to stare in awe, walking around my flat in search of everything. I just planted myself on the bench, allowing my fingers to glide over the ivory keys. I despised Edward for getting me into such a thing; even though he never did teach me. Somewhere deep within me, I knew this was the only connection with him; only clear memory. I gently touched the keys, allowing the notes to fly through the air. I didn't care what I was playing, all I knew is that it was good enough to force Jacob to sit beside me and record the song. I watched from the corner of my eye my parents begin filling up my suitcase, bringing only the most need things.

"Bella. You better make sure they get everything." Jacob whispered in my ear. I sighed, slamming my ten fingers onto the keys, forcing an ugly sound to echo through the room. All eyes set on me as I stared at the keys, his voice coming from behind me.

"Bravo Bella. You have gotten quite well on the piano." I growled as I turned around, seeing him gone; his breath on the back of my neck. "I'm just your imagination Bella. No need to freak out."

"Bells? Is he back?" Charlie asked as I swatted away the hallucination. I nodded, rising to my feet before walking into my room.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed.

"But I can't." Edward simply spoke, "You wish I was here. You wish I would come back to you and love you again. Only you can make me leave."

"Shut up!" I gripped onto my head, pulling on my brown hair. "Shut up! Please!"

"But I can't. You won't allow me. You won't move on." Pain hit my legs and my head as I fell, fingers continued to pull. Hot hands pulled my hands from me; but I resisted. "Move on Bella."

"Shut up!" The sting of tears reached my eyes as they spilled over, staining my flushed cheeks. I would never be able to move on; not until I forget you exist. He stole everything, everything but his touch, his smell, his secret. He took everything physical; but not mental. Why couldn't he have been like the men in black, flash a red light and I would have forgotten everything. I felt hands grip around me, holding me still as I sorted everything out in my head; my breathing becoming even after it rushed.

"Move on Bella." His voice faded as I stared at my parents, gripping onto Charlie, crying.

"Take me home. Please." I pleaded, seeing his eyes full of concern; and decision. Was he reconcidering taking me back to Forks? He can't do that. If he doesn't take me home, I'll go there myself. I have to see their home--mansion thing. I have to take in the memories that won't leave me. I must imagine the memories. Relive them. I gripped harder onto him, allowing more tears to flow. "I must go back. I have too!"

"Bells. Look at yourself. Maybe Renee was right. You aren't ready." He softly spoke, kissing my forehead. "I'll take you another time. I have to go home too, and so does your Mother." He kissed my head again. "Get better. Please?" I began to sob, my body falling into Jacob's willing arms.

"Dad! Please!" I yelled, hearing the front door shut behind them. "PLEASE!" I pushed myself from Jacob and stumbled toward the door, falling against it. "Please. I have to see them again."

"Charlie's right Bella. You're in no condition to leave. I'll be back tomorrow." And with that, I was left in silence. It wasn't my fault I was so mentally fucked. If it's anyone's fault, it's everyone. They allowed me to turn this way. They were hoping I would get through it myself, but every heart broken girl needs a push in the right direction. _They_ allowed me to fall backwards; _they_ allowed me to fall into depression. I leaned against the railing; staring out at the New York lights, the icy wind slicing me.

"What would happen if I jumped?" I muttered softly to myself, crawling up the wall and sat down. I was several stories above the rest of the world. Street walkers looked like ants; and to them, they can't see me.

"Bella!" Edward's voice boomed in my head. "Don't do it!" I growled, looking over my shoulder to see his blurry figure. "Please. Don't do it."

"I won't!" I cried out, standing up to face him. "Like I would have the guts to jump!" I hopped down and pushed him aside, though he evaporated into nothing. I grabbed my laptop and my credit cards. I dialed a number on my phone, informing my publisher that I was leaving for my hometown. She a course argued over my next book I was suppose to get done; but I ignored her. I left and was well on my way to somewhere that's not Forks. But Denali Alaska instead.

"Good evening Passengers." The pilot spoke on the overspeaker, "We'll be arriving in Denali shortly, so please fasten your seatbelts." I sighed, doing what he instructed. I wasn't sure why I was going to Alaska. I remember hearing something about a group of Vampires there; so I should start there in my recovery. I knew when I would turn on my cell phone I would have a thousand calls from Jacob, but I didn't care. I needed a break from the world. Alaska was a whole other world. I quickly hurried to the nearest clothe shop, as I took nothing but my technology and unlimited credit card. I would relax.

"Look! It's Isabella Swan!" A small child cried out as I exited my gate, running up to me with smiling face. "M--may I have your autograph?" I grinned, simply nodded. "Oh thank you."

"But I want something in return." The Mother stared at me; a weird look. "I want to know were the closest clothing store is. I came here unexpectly to get away from the paparazzi." The child giggled and the mother smiled. As I signed the small child's item, the mother handed me some paper.

"These are the closest stores here." She pointed to the correct names. "And here are some good cabins to rent out. This one though." She pointed to a strange name; familar though. "Only special people are able to come here."

"Thank you so much."

"No, thank you. You saved me money by coming here." I laughed, hugging the small child before running out into the cold.

--

A/n: I have no clue how it is to be in snow or anything with the cold really. I live in Southern Cali, so it's a bit hard. I'm sorry if I got everything wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

I stormed through the icy weather as it nipped on my flesh. My fingers began to numb as I searched for the nearest store. Oh how I regret now coming here, especially in jeans and a small coat. The paper the nice woman gave me in return for an autograph had vanished into thin air, only leaving some views in my memory. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to warm as I ran through the streets. It seems only that small child knew who I was, or that I even existed; I liked that. But not at this very moment. Light began to explode into the streets, lighting up their store with different colors; bright blue, neon pink?

"Am I in the club district?" I asked myself, but I knew I would not get an answer in reply; just because. I stared at my latop, fear suddenly strucked me. My precious technology (that holds the majority of my ideas) would break down in this weather--I think. No matter, I had to get inside. The soft tinge of pang began to run through my fingers and toes as I stared up at the giant signs. "Screw it." I muttered; running into the so called club. And I was correct. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol filled my nostrals, but so did the warmth the bar held. Sweat hit me immediatly as I stared at the dancers on the floor; wearing less clothes then I saw in Los Angeles. I squeezed my way toward the bar, plopping myself down onto a stool.

"Can I get you anything missy?" A low voice called from behind the counter. I could hear Jacob's voice ringing through my head, screaming for me to get water, orange juice; no alcohol. I grinned at the bartender.

"An apple martini." He nodded his head at the order before I opened up my latop, allowing the webcam to open. I checked all around me, making sure there were no signs stating my where abouts. "Hey, if you have on a tag, make sure it doesn't get into the frame." I ordered him, turning on the cam. I could see Jacob. He was fuming as he adjusted his own camera. I could see myself in the bottom corner, nose a bright red, cheeks flushed, goosebumps covering my arms. I only grinned as he glared.

"Where the hell are you Bella?" He snarled. Sometimes; when he fumes like this, it does make me feel that he truely loves me. Sadly, he has imprinted me. I don't want to go through the pain when he finds _his_ special person. His hair was tossed about his head, thick and dripping with water. His chest was bare, and I couldn't help but grin. He was muscular, but too big for my liking; he reminded me of what I remember of Emmett. I took a sip of my now delievered drink, grinning as it ran down my throat. I was like a vampire in many ways; they craved blood and loved as it ran down their throats; instead of blood, mine was alcohol. "Are you drinking!?" He growled. I simply nodded. "Bella, where are you! I'm gonna come get you."

"I'm in a magical place Jacob." I grinned, downing the remaining of the drink, ordering another drink; a stronger drink. "A magical place where no photos will be taken of me; where only small children who admire my work will speak to me." The bartender came into view of my screen, Jacob fuming.

"Don't give her any! She's a recovering alcoholic!" He cried, but I lowered the volume, allowing his voice to be drowned by the blasting music.

"Oh hush Jacob." I lifted my drink and laptop before walking toward the dance floor. "See, I'm in a magical place." I grinned, gulping down my berverage. "I'm fine. I'll call you in the morning alright?" He began to argue but I shut it, walking back to the bar, finishing it.

"Boyfriend?" The bartender grinned as I shook my head.

"Close friend. Now, can you hold onto this? It's very important. Skim through it if you want. I'm gonna go dancing!" I proclaimed, moving myself into the shaking crowd. I don't know how long I was on the dance floor; all I know is that I had grinded against many men, made out with a few, an drank so much I should be drunk. I now danced beside an incredible looking man, his toothy grin facing me the entire time. His eyes were a deep black with gold specks and his body was freezing. I didn't take notice of the reason. All I knew is that this man was hot, and he was dancing with me. I had managed to rip my jean pants into shorts, almost completly ripping the legs, (as they now just barely held my ass in) and threw my jacket off to the side, ripping the sleeves off my fairly expensive shirt. Sweat poured off me from the heat began to hit me, but I just wouldn't leave this circle. My mind was empty of all complications. I was just drowning out reality. I suddenly heard his voice call my name.

"Isabella." Edward hissed as I whipped around. His voice was faint, and caught me off guard. Though I knew deep in the back of my mind that it was another hallucination. The man smoothly wrapped his fingers onto my ass, gently giving it a squeeze and pulled me closer to his chest. We continued to sway to the beat, his curly hair bouncing on his head. One of his hands moved from my ass to stroke down my hair, kneading. It soon rested on the back of my head, pulling to the side; his lips invading. His tongue lapped over the crook in my neck and down my collar bone. His teeth nipped at my flesh, leaving a soft burning sensation. "Bella." His voice interuppted me as the male began moving his other hand up my back; rubbing icy circles.

"Isabella Swan." He murmered. I felt his breath run down my neck before it became cold, sucking away the warm air that was once there. Then he vanished in the crowd. I was left there; dazzled, but I couldn't help but stare at where he once was, my fingers grazing the wet spot on my neck.

"Bella!" I growled at Edward's voice, smacking him mentally as I turned toward the bar.

"Having fun? He's a regular; first time he's danced with someone." He grinned, dropping another drink in front of me.

"Give meh my bag." I mumbled as he nodded. "Thank you--"

"Jasp." He smiled as I nodded, suddenly noticing his blond hair.

"Thank you Jasp. I'm Bella." I held out my hand, awaiting for him to shake but he shook his head. I shrugged, thinking he was a germ aphobe before digging through my purse, retrieving the pills I need.

"Hey, should you be taking pills with the amount you took in?" He asked, almost if he was worried. I grin, nodding my head. He didn't need to know about my addictions. I popped a couple pills and finished off a drink I had recieved earlier. I laid my head on the table, staring at the dancers.

"Jasp, do you ever wonder that if you lose someone; they'll somehow come back for you? Even though they despise you?" I muttered, not really asking him in particular.

"Yes." He replied as he shrugged, cleaning out a glass. I knew he was thinking, thinking about someone close. I could tell. His eyes glazed over as memories clouded his mind; love and lust were the clouds. He cleaned for many minutes before noticing myself staring, grinning. "You have a special someone, huh?"

"Yes, she's very dear to me." I smiled. "She's the best woman to come into my life. Before she came; I was a monster, and now. I'm -- clean if you can say."

"That's good, everyone needs a good someone." I whispered, my vision blurred. "I should get clean; sober I mean. Stupid paparazzi on my ass." I muttered, rising to my feet. "I should go." My stomach began to feel nausous as I felt gravity pull hard on me.

"Wait!" He cried out as gravity really kicked in, sending me to the hard flooring. Pain shot through my stomach and side, my arms frantically trying to lift myself.

"I'malrighs." I somehow managed to release, though even to my ears I could hear they were mixed up. Jasp appeared at my side, though his face was blurred. He seemed familar; like Jasper. "Hey--you look." I couldn't finish as my mind shut off and the lights went out; again. Two pairs of icy hands wrapped around me; sending me into the bitter breeze. The sound of crushing snow under their feet, their breathing quickened, and the wind was much harsher. Where I was going; I do not know. All I know is that -- I miss the warm club.


	4. Chapter 4

Something was different; I could feel it. I couldn't open my eyes and when I did; it was pitch black. A warm, fluffy bed surrounded me, along with tissues and a bucket. It wreaked of stomach acid. I couldn't see and my stomach was a mess; and the throbbing headache didn't help me one bit. I could barely see my laptop shining in the little light, it's web cam blinking. Jacob's figure was asleep in his chair, my own image on the bottom. "Jacob?" I muttered, slowly lifting myself up to reach toward the technology, tapping on the microphone, knowing it would make thumps at him. He awoke with a jolt, looking around before spotting me. Relief was solid on his face.

"Bella. You're awake. Good, then he took care of you." I lifted my laptop and stared. Confusion was valid on my own face. He only chuckled. "You should lay down Bella. You've been puking all day."

"All day?" I muttered, my stomach becoming queasy at the thought of throwing up. He simply nodded, sitting up straight to show me his pajamas. I covered my mouth as small amounts of acid jolted up my throat, burning everything it touched. Jacob only shook his head, watching as I buried my own into a bucket.

"See why it's been all day." He sighed, lifting his own laptop to appear in his kitchen, grabbing his needed tools. "Bella. You're going to kill yourself if you consume that much alcohol with your medication." I groaned, taking a sip of the water that laid beside me. "You should be glad you only fainted." I puffed up my cheeks, staring at him before standing up, exiting the screen. "Hey! Bella! Where'd you go?" He screamed into his mic. I grazed past the door frame, staring at the open hallway that connected to the downstairs living room. I could hear Jacob's faint voice growling in the background. I just knelt down and stared at the architecture. I couldn't help but cry as I stared at it. It reminded me so much of Esme for some odd reason; like she came here and just to decorate it. Jacob began screaming into his mic, calling out my name numerous times. Sometimes, I don't even believe it's my name; its so overused now. Soft taps of notes echoed, hitting gently onto the high ceiling. The notes continued until I figured out the instrument. Piano. And it was beautiful. I shuffled down the stairs, careful not to upset my stomach more then it is already. Then I saw it; a strawberry blond giggling like mad as she tapped random notes, though I knew she knows the keys if she was able to put them together beautifully.

"You know your boyfriend is screaming right?" The girl giggled, not even turning her head to face me. "It's going to _wake_ everyone up." She laughed at herself before slamming all ten fingers on the keys, creating a loud, ugly sound. It stung my ears afterwards. She twirled around on the bench, her elbows on her knees; holding up her head. A wide smile was on her lips, her eyes golden. "Just kidding. Everyone is out on a trip. They should be back soon!"

"Where am I?" I asked softly as I walked over to the bench as she patted it, silently motioning me to sit.

"You're at my home silly." She held out her hand just as I was about to touch the keys. "No one is suppose to use this. Our _player_ doesn't like other people touching it." She sighed, scratching her head. "He'll hurt me just from using it." I ignored her, touching the keys.

"Screw your _player_. It's a piano, if I must buy one to play then I will." She scooted over, allowing me more room as I began playing; making sure every note sounded perfect together. She gasped and clapped her hands, laughing and giggling at the same time. I never thought that was possible. Her eyes stared at my fingers as they danced across the board, creating a song similar to Edward's song for myself; but instead of a happy ending, I made it tragic like. Her eyes widened as it became more demonic like, my torso and head moving along. She suddenly set her icy fingers on my hand, stopping my motions.

"Stop!" She cried out, "It started all happy! Then ended in tragic." She lifted my hands and held them both to her chilling chest. "You must get out of this slump Miss." Confusion clouded my head as she stared, her eyes big and watery. It looked as if she were going to cry.

"Release me; stranger." I growled, her hands only to grip harder, one releasing to pull my head toward hers. "What the?"

"You must not get depressed. Our stay home doctor found your pills. They aren't helping you a bit. That alcohol only stops the medication. It doesn't stop your depression. Only temporarily stops it!" She cried out in a dramatic voice; her voice no longer high in pitch. She ripped me back to stare at her, lips curled into a small grin before becoming serious once again. "You must live child! Live!" She lost it there, bursting into a fit of laughter; which was contagious. She held onto me as we continued to laugh, lifting me up to stand on the floor. "Now!" Her index finger sprung out toward me, her face once again serious. "I must warn you that! You can not get scared! We have some freaky people that live in this house! Worse then myself; I'm sad to say." She gripped onto her chest, showing her sadness before becoming once again hilarious looking. "Now! They should be back by morning. They are night people. We all kinda are."

"It's no problem. I will probably be up half the night doing my job assignment." I winked as I put up a thumb. "I do have a dead-line." She grinned, bouncing with excitement.

"Perrrr-fect!" She purred, swinging her arm around my shoulder. "You must be starving. I mean puking your stomach out through the day just emptied that small tummy of yours." She gently tapped my stomach, grinning as a sudden rumble released from it. "Yes! Yes you are hungry aren't you, you small tummy!" She squealed, quickly grabbing my arm; rushing toward what I believe was the kitchen. Like the living room; it was huge! This was a kitchen Renee would love, when she learns how to cook _properly_. "Oh! What would you like sweetie?" She asked excitedly as I just shrugged.

"Anything will due. I just need something to absorb all this acid that's residing in my stomach." She grinned, nodding before throwing out condiments for a sandwich. I turned for a few minutes, staring at the beauty this kitchen was before she squealed.

"It's perfect! Absolutely wonderful!" I whipped around, the sandwich at my face; hers grinning. She acted like this was the very first accomplishment in her life as she grinned, forcing me to take a bite of the plain sandwich. It lacked taste really. The bread held mold, and the meat was; well to say-- bad. There was no mayo, or really anything. I saw all the appropriate materials on the counter, yet none was open. "Is it bad?!" She panicked, her eyes filling with water. She turned, throwing the wretched sandwich into the trash. "I thought it looked yummy!"

"It's alright." I muttered, grinning as I looked at the materials. "It's just a bit rotten." I announced, seeing her eyes soften a bit. She was strange. I was curious if she had that strange condition. Multiple personalities. "We can go out shopping and get fresh--" Before I could finish she grabbed onto me, running up the stairs.

"Great idea! The room you came from there's clothes in there! Get dressed!" She pointed to my body, and that's when I noticed I was wearing pajamas and a tank, and only that. No bra. And it was freezing. I let out an embarrassed laugh as I covered my chest, seeing her grin. "Don't worry! I'm a chick too! See!" She lifted her shirt just to show me her bra, giggling. Her icy fingers pressed into my back, shoving me toward the room. "Dress. Now. You--need--food!"

"Alright then..." I muttered, quickly walking into the dark room. Jacob was once again asleep on the screen, Charlie sleeping beside them. I smiled, writing a note and placing it in the view of the camera. "Sleep tight boys." I muttered, kissing the screen before prancing toward the closet. My stomach gave a slight pain as it grumbled, signaling that it was starving. It was kicking me into high gear by sending the hunger pains. I swung open the sliding doors, revealing the walk in closet that was literally filled to the brim with clothes, that were for some reason; my size. I gripped onto a fairly fuzzy winter coat and sweat pants. I wouldn't be out for long, so why bother even getting stylish. I was no longer in New York where style is a must. I'm in Denali Alaska, where only a small amount of people know who I am, and I loved it! I slid on the clothes, hugging the sudden warmth it brought. My sparkle bag, as I sometimes called it, shimmered in the light from my computer, silently telling me to grab my glasses. I hadn't noticed the sudden blur as I read the expiration dates of the items, and knew fairly well I would be needing my reading glasses. I was incredibly thrilled that I brought them for my novel. Before I knew it I was within the super store, staring at their wide wage of food. Time was passing quickly. I couldn't believe it myself.

"Get as much as you want sweetie." She smiled, playing with my hair. I decided to wear it up, just in case anyone did notice me, they wouldn't run up for an autograph as the child before did. "I'm paying!"

"No, you aren't." I warned, wagging my index finger at the cheerful girl.

"But you don't have money. I saw a credit card but that's it." She grinned sheeplessly as I sighed, scratching my head.

"I--my family has a lot of money. My card can squeeze for buying much needed food." I leaned against the shopping cart I suddenly grabbed, strolling down the aisles, throwing in the amount of food needed. Though _she_ seemed to be in _awe._ She looked like a small child, staring up at a cereal box they'd seen on television; almost not believing it came from their screen and onto the shelves. I called out for her, snapping out of her trance before laughing and running over. "Don't you come here often?" I asked.

"Not really. Usually we have our food delivered. We rarely leave the house because of the _rumors_." She giggled happily, prancing down the aisle, staring at a box of oreos. Were these people that strange as she spoke of? I hadn't noticed the stares she was getting from the others, the way she was overjoyed in such a neutral place. But I must say; it was rubbing onto me. I don't remember the last time I was ever, ever this happy without that blasted vampire by my side. Her eyes shown with such innocence, her toothy grin was just the same. She was a naturally happy person, naturally bubbly. A natural mood lifter. I knew deep down in myself, I wanted to take her home and keep her around just to cheer me up; to take away the depression that resides in my mind. "Come on! You have work to do Missy!" She cried out, noticing that I stopped. I laughed, racing toward her, allowing the wheels of the cart to take me. Once again, time passed and I sat in front of my computer, gripping onto my hair as I tried to find out what to type.

"Gah! Damn it! That doesn't work!" I continued to cry out, along with more swear words. Every now and then I could see her pass my door, making sure I was alright; though half the time I was near tears. I was writing the ending to my novel, and Edward; or Robert had left me; or Sarah already. I didn't know what to write. It was so much simpler when I knew what happened, when Edward and myself made the story together. But now I don't know. I just began typing randomly, my mind racing and tears breaking through my barrier, running down my cheeks. It was tearing me apart, writing these stories. I could no longer stand it. Then his damn voice returned.

"Bella. You're awake?" I turned my head toward the door; shocked that the sound was so real. Usually it echoes a little from bouncing around my skull. His face was emotionless; body stiff.I could see his face clearly as he stared. I couldn't believe it. He wasn't a hallucination.

--

A/n: Hey. I'm trying to have an update everyday but failed yesterday as I had to do something LONG for a friend of mine. (It was horrible. My poor fingers) I should have put this chapter up _last_ night, but couldn't get on. I rushed through it, I was just excited and typing just out things randomly. (This story was spontaneous.) I might have a bit of trouble in the next chapter, or the few ahead. So if it takes longer; that's the reason. Or because I'm updating my other story. (I hate them, I changed my writing style a bit.)

Give me some love/advice. Help me out.


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't breathe at that moment, that moment our eyes stayed together. He must have noticed that he couldn't hear my rapid breaths, the rise of my chest; because he ran over, grabbing a hold of me. His eyes showed protection, they were comforting, and bright amber.

"Bella. You're not breathing. Is something wrong?" He panicked, his fingers gently tapping my back, almost as if he was going to force me to breathe. He knew better, he just didn't love me to do CPR. I lifted my fingers from my keyboard and pulled his off, my body finally having enough of the lack of oxygen and too much carbon dioxide. I was taking even breaths, telling my mind not to freak. For once, he was real. He must think I'm a stalker.

"No." I sniffed, wiping my tear stained eyes. I wouldn't let my emotions take over, though I dearly wanted to cry hysterically and wrap my arms around his icy stone-like neck and kiss him over and over again. Though; I knew that was impossible. The love of my life; no longer loved me. "I'm fine." I managed, beginning to type randomly, seeing him from the corner of my eye staring at my work. Which was interrupted as my boss, a red head that was incredibly beautiful pop up.

"Ms. Swan! So nice to see you stressing over your novel!" She sounded happy this late at night; or morning. She seemed to have eyed the screen and caught Edward, licking her lips like she was hungry, only she was going to do something in her mind about him. "Ah! You have a man! Good good Swan!"

"He's not. His family helped me last night."

"Oh no! You didn't hurt yourself again!" She cried out, her eyes batting every now and then. "What will the tabloids say! You're still everywhere." I growled softly. "Don't growl at me Missy. Your computer catches everything so easy! I could hear her." My jaw clenched as I stared at this woman. How I despised her. "Now, where are you? We have a meeting set up tomorrow. Remember?" I turned my head to see Edward staring, blinking, mix emotions running through his eyes. I simply lifted my laptop and walked away. "Whoa. Take it steady. Too shaky."

"Oh shut up Rachel." I snapped. She simply glared.

"Bella! You have bags under your eyes! You actually look terrible. Still taking the drugs I see, with alcohol." She shook her head in disapproval. "What have we all told you? No drinking while high!" She laughed at her own personal joke as I sat at the piano, setting it ontop as I began playing, drowning out her annoying high pitch voice. She was such a bimbo. How she became _my_ boss. I will never know. She heard the soft music before she began screaming into her computer. Sadly, she talked slower. "Bell--a. Ca--n y--ou hear--me?" I looked up, glaring before going back to the piano.

"Rachel. I will not return until I am at peace with myself. I will be leaving again soon and going somewhere else as here won't work very well. I will be back before two months alright? Just a few days before my dead line." She stared in disbelief, her eyes narrowed.

"Isabella Swan! You will come back here tonight! We have a meeting with a very important fan of yours!"

"What's its name?" I muttered.

"Alice Cullen. Female. Still a high school-er I believe."

"Most are." I mumbled.

Rachel grinned, "She's such a pretty girl." I nodded, barely remembering her pale face. She was still a blur, Jasper was slowly returning, and Edward was in full view. I rocked on the piano as I continued to play, seeing Rachel stare behind me. "Ohh! You have a watcher. You sure he ain't your man?"

"No. He's not." I growled, continued to look at the piano.

"No one is supposed to touch that." He simply stated, walking down to sit beside me.

"Well I don't give a damn Mr. I'm sorry. I don't know your name." I couldn't help but smile softly, though I saw hurt enter his eyes.

"I'm Rachel." Rachel pointed out, batting her long eye lashes over her blue eyes. Contacts a course, she had brown eyes. Edward only rolled his eyes.

"Edward Cullen." He held out his hand, a crooked smile plastered on his face. I felt light headed as I shook his hand. The same electric flow that we had while dating shocked us. He could still dazzle me like it was nothing. And he knew he could.

"Isabella Swan." I simply said before releasing his hand. I was about to touch the keys once again when he grabbed my hands. "Release me Mr. Cullen."

"I'm sorry Ms. Rachel, but I must show Ms. Swan around. She will return home when she wishes. Good-bye." His other hand gently pushed my laptop closed, hearing the soft beep of my programs being closed.

"You closed it before I could save my novel Edward." I sighed, grabbing my laptop and getting off the bench. "I spent the majority of the night working on it."

"When did you start writing novels?" He asked as I shrugged. "After I left right?" I nodded. "After you lost your mind?" I growled, turning on my heel to stare at him.

"I have not lost my mind Mr. Cullen!" I replied sharply, seeing a small grin rise on his lips. He walked up and pressed his icy fingers on my head, gently shaking it.

"According to the world and Carlisle, you have. You shouldn't have been so dumb the other night." I whispered, still shaking my head a bit. "You were pretty messed up when Jasper placed you on my bed."

"That was Jasper! I was right!" I grinned happily, taking my head from his fingers. "I knew but I was a bit drunk and was fainting. So I couldn't completely tell."

"Emmett also says you dance pretty well. Compared to when we went to that dance together." He sighed, turning around to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Watch out, here he comes with a giant hug." Just as he spoke of hug I could hear Emmett's booming laugh echo through the large room, and lift me into the air.

"Bella! It's so nice to see you again! You're a lot funner when you're drunk!" I sighed, though a laugh escaped my lips as he swung me around as Renee used to when I was little. "Oh! How'd you like the lick on your neck!?" He was hyped up on something as he laughed. I could hear a growl somewhere from around us but I ignored the ugly sound. Emmett's face was fairly similar in the lights then in the dark, but I guess the alcohol did help with me not focusing; or remembering what he remembered when I danced on him.

"It was-- interesting to say the least. But not the worse thing in the world." I grinned as he set me on the floor, seeing him frown. "What?"

"I liked your clothes last night. Now; you're just all professional."

"Well I was doing work but someone interrupted me and now I must start all over again." I growled at Edward as he rolled his eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me mister. I do serious work."

"I highly doubt writing novels about our family counts as serious work. What would happen if someone clicks it together?"

"Don't worry Edward." Alice's voice giggled, walking into the room. "Bella, he hasn't read your books. He thinks they're depressing. I on the other hand loved them!" She pranced over as I tackled her with a hug; pulling her tight. "Thank you for changing around everything."

"No problem. I knew some vampires would read it and come after me." I grinned, feeling happiness run through me. "Oh. Where's Jasper? I need to thank him."

"He's with Carlisle." The girl from before crept in, standing beside Alice. "Oh Bella. I'm Tanya. Sorry that I never introduced myself. I knew who were you from the beginning." Tanya grinned. "But Carlisle wishes to speak with you. About your pills." She giggled as they both grabbed onto my arms. And by both I mean Alice and Tanya. "Now let's go--"

"--see the Doctor!" Alice finished, pulling me along after throwing my laptop to Edward.

"Don't mess with it!" I cried out while being pulled down the hall. "It's important!"

"Is not! Check out her music on there!" Alice cried out as I struggled against their rock hard grip. "Jasper says it's good!"

"Sweet!" Emmett yelled as I heard my music echo through before I vanished into a room. The girls left me in the room, holding onto the door as I growled.

"Bella. Sit." Carlisle's voice was low and soft as I turned to face him. He held my bottle in his hand as Jasper stood several feet away from him, his eyes shut. I nodded and sat down in the chair, seeing him lift the bottle into the air. "Bella. How long have you've been taking these?"

"That prescription, only a few weeks since I was last in the hospital. But I've been taking anti-depressants for a few years now. Not long after you guys left Forks."

"Bella. Why take these?" He asked as I shrugged. "You seem happy enough. I don't believe what New York has been saying about you. Going in and out of rehab, and hospitals. Partying out late when you're not working on a project. I know those are just rumors." I sighed, lowering my head. "They are rumors right?" I just shook. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" I could feel the sting of tears ready to fall. But I kept my head low. Jasper seemed to be suffering as he spoke at vampire speed to Carlisle. I could hear the slight murmur. "Sorry, I'm being harsh."

"No, you deserve to be. I'm killing myself. And I know it. I actually attempted suicide a couple times already since you guys left town. I jumped off a cliff without Jacob, luckily he found me. And a few other times. Overdose, loss of blood. I know I'm sick, and Edward's right. I've lost my mind." I couldn't hold in the tears anymore as I buried my face into my hands. Carlisle's cold fingers rested on my head, gently stroking me hair.

"It's alright Bella. I heard from everyone that was close to you. I've spoken to Charlie and Renee and a few more of your friends. Through phone a course." He spoke soft. "Why don't you go get some food into your system and talk a bit with the others. I know everyone is dying to know what exactly is going on in your life. Specially Esme. She's been so worried about you." I nodded as he hugged me softly. "You'll get through this."

"You just gotta keep yourself together once you leave." Jasper muttered, opening his eyes. They were darker then the rest of them, though I could barely tell through my blurry vision. I nodded, wiping away the stains.

"May I have my pills back?" I asked, seeing Carlisle grin.

"Nope. Not after what happened!" I blinked. "You could have killed yourself. Now. Renee is coming over since Charlie hates Edward and probably wants to kill the boy. Now go off before they find your stash on that computer."

"My songs!" I screamed, running out of the door and near the sound of my music. "Don't mess with my computer!" I screamed, entering the room to see them staring at Jacob on the screen.

"Bella! What are they doing here!" He cried out as I panicked. "Carlisle said they didn't live here."

"Jacob. We all live together." Edward muttered.

"Don't bite her Cullens. Break our agreement--"

"Only counts when we lived there Dummy." Alice giggled as I snatched my computer and walked away, carrying a conversation with Jacob.

--

A/n: Okay. This is a tiny bit longer then the rest but not by much. But alright. Thank you for all the new readers who reviewed. I gasped when I got a bunch of messages from the alerts and such.

Sophie-LA-is-foolio you made me laugh when you spoke of me updating twice. My mother stared at me as I began laughing. That made my day. I was exhausted. It might take me a bit to update this because I'm trying to figure out what to write. Give me ideas if you wish. It'll be good to put your ideas into this story.


	6. Bonus Chapter

**Bonus Chapter:** (Has nothing to do with the story. Just for fun.)

"Isabella. Where are you honey?" I heard Renee asked, staring into the giant store I was hiding in. Truth was, I was right beside her, buried in a ring of clothes. I loved this game; though Renee didn't know it was a game. "Come out honey. We need to get going." I let out a small giggled before her fingers before the clothes rustled, her tan fingers grabbing a hold of mine. "Gotcha little bugger." The force of her pulling made me fly out of my hiding spot, a fun sound coming from my lips.

"Whee!" I laughed as I lifted into the air and landed on her shoulders, now able to see the entire department store. I tried to memorize everything, but it was impossible with the dark bangs that were now covering my vision. "Mommy." I gently pulled on her hair, waiting to hear a reply. She gave a simple 'hmm.' "I want a hair cut. My bangs are getting too long!" I whined as I began to bounce on her shoulders as she laughed.

"I told you your bangs would grow fast Bella." She simply stated as I crossed my arms, throwing a mini tantrum; mostly out of fun. "You'll just have to wait."

"But I want them done now!" I whined some more, once again myself bouncing. "Mom--my." I continued to whine, pulling on her hair gently, but not enough to hurt her. I learned that the first time I pulled hard on her hair. I laughed, remember the small bald spot that I left. I got in big trouble that day.

"A couple more days. I have some work that needs to be done. I know they're frustrating honey." Her hand reached up, grabbing my pale one. I knew that children were suppose to look like their parents, but I was different then Renee. And I barely remember what my father looked like. I don't even know his name. I only know is that Renee couldn't stay with him, and couldn't stand to be away from me. So she left him, taking me along. I believe she said I was only a year old at the time. I grunted as I pulled my hand from Renee's and looked around, gently pushing myself up so let her know I wanted down. "I'm going to the check out stand. Stay beside me." I nodded, accepting her rule of not wandering off. Though, I do it anyways when curiosity control my actions. Something sparkle caught my eye as I turned to see someone's hand glistening in the sun like Renee's jewelery. I had to investigate. I waited until I wasn't being watched before darting off in the direction. Maybe someone was actually that sparkle. Had some form of defect like Barney! I heard them speaking.

"Daddy." It was high but I could tell it was another boy, I cringed at the thought. Boys had cooties, and always will. His hand appeared in the light again and sparkled, sparking my curiosity even more. I ran over and peeked around a rack of clothes, staring at the family. I only expect maybe two or three people standing there. But I was greatly wrong. There stood seven people, all completely different from one another. One though, caught my eye. He was cute; even if he did have cooties. His auburn hair was messy on his head and looked like someone had tried to comb it several times and failed, and his green eyes were striking. I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest. All their eyes landed on me, and I suddenly felt nervous, but I sucked it up like every child does.

"Hi!" I happily spoke as the three girls, two around my own age and one that looks like the mother, walked toward me. One of the girls, black hair that was short and choppy grinned and hugged me tight. I hugged her back, swaying a bit as we laughed. The other girl, wavy blond hair and eyes like violets, she didn't get close to me. The eldest, the mother I presumed, knelt down on her knees and stared at me. "Hi! I'm Bella." I grinned, seeing her shake from hidden laughter.

"Did your mother teach you to not talk to strangers?" A fairly large child called out, his curly dark hair standing out a bit. He also had a grin on his lips as I thought. Renee had told me, but I was young. Why not meet new people. I just nodded in reply.

"But if I get to know your names, then you won't be strangers. Right?" They all looked at each other, except for the adults who were just shaking with light laughter now.

"I'm Alice!" The spiky hair child squealed, her voice high and almost angelic. "That's Rosalie," She pointed to the blond, "Emmett." The one who spoke about strangers, "Jasper." I hadn't really noticed the blond male behind the rest, keeping his distance from me. It made me sad. "And Edward. Don't worry about him. He's grumpy. He didn't get to see the mountain lions at the zoo today!" Alice laughed as Edward glared at her before crossing his arms, giving out a soft grunt.

"Yeah! I was upset when I went last week! But I heard it's because they're sick." I pouted when I heard the sudden taps of Renee's heels hitting the hard flooring.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" She called out, her voice angry. The other two adults quickly rushed over to my infuriated mother, speaking to her softly. I turned to Edward as the sparkle I came over for caught my eye. He was holding a pinwheel, small. About the size of his hand. He caught me staring by waving his opposite hand in front of my face, causing me to snap out of the trance the shine had caught me in. Damn shiny things. Always making me stare. I could hear Renee grumbling with the other two as I gently hid behind Alice, who happily spread out her hands in hope of protecting me.

"She's only being a kid. She must have seen our son's pinwheel from afar and came to investigate. She's safe." The woman spoke softly, but loud enough for us to hear.

"That's Esme and Carlisle." Alice decided to inform me in. "They adopted us when we lost our parents."

"At once?" I muttered as Emmett nodded.

"Our parents all died on the same plane, we were all with our grandparents. But none of them would take us in." He informed, grinning from ear to ear. "But I'm happy with this. I get to see my Baby!" He reached over to Rosalie, whom scooted away as he reached. His face fell. "Come on baby."

"Ew, no. Go away." She grumbled, soon coming to stand beside us in hope to escape the big boy. He only kept a toothy grin and stood beside Jasper, who still wouldn't walk over. "Idiot." Rosalie muttered about Emmett, though I could tell she liked him, just from the small smile that was on her face.

"So Bella." Alice giggled out. "Where's your Daddy?" I couldn't help but sigh and lower my head.

"I don't know. I don't remember my Daddy." I muttered, only to lift my head and grin. They lost both of their parents. I should be sad that I don't remember one of my parents. "But it's fine. Mommy says he's alive somewhere in the country." They all stared at me in disbelief before I felt myself being lifted, Renee's face in front of mine. Her eyes burned with anger and relief before sticking me on her shoulders.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Cullen." Renee said to their parents before walking away. I waved and laughed goodbye. Watching them vanish from my sight made me sad, specially as Edward's auburn hair vanished. The sliding doors shut tight, giving a division between me and the Cullens.

"Bye." I simply muttered as Renee set me in my car seat in the back, driving off away from the store. But just as we left the parking lot, I could see Edward and Alice rushing out of the door, their heads moving violently, almost as if they were searching for me. Tears left my eyes as they once again vanished, Renee cranking up the volume on the radio, drowning out my sadness. Would I ever see them again? Probably not. Unless we somehow met up at the zoo, staring at the mountain lions. And somehow remember each other from the strange day when I ran up to them, and introduced myself.

--

A/n: I don't know why I wrote this. It just popped in my head and I thought. 'Why don't I just put this as a bonus so if I don't update in awhile, they won't get mad.'

It might become a story later on. I'm not sure. Oh well. I might be busy the next two weeks so updates will be slow. I have only two weeks of school left and I had finals and all this junk. And I have to study this weekend for my Chemistry final. Yeah.


	7. Chapter 6

"Bella." He continued, his fingers gripping onto the computer. His skin rippling with anger. He was pacing around my room, my living room. He could not yet afford a place of his own. He was going to transform into the one being that sometimes frightened me. I left the room with my laptop, not wanting the others to see him in this condition. Nor see if I break down crying. He cared so much. I was pushing him out. "You have to come home now." He growled. I simply shook my head. "Then I'm coming up there! But you won't tell us. You paid with cash for that ticket. And got the cash from another store. Tell me now. I won't let you stay with those--_things._"

"I'm sorry Jacob. But you will grimace at the smell of them." I stated, seeing the rippling increase. He was dangerously close.

"Bella. Sweetie." Renee's voice was faint in the back ground. "Jacob. Let her see me." She ordered, the camera changing so I could view her. She had a small smile on her lips, and her cheeks were stained with tears. "Oh Bella. You have no idea how worried we've been. We saw all over the news that you were missing." I could hear the relief in her voice. "I thought you were kidnapped or something."

"Mom." I softly spoke, opening a door to an empty room, though it looked like a second office for Carlisle. Books covered the walls, but they did not show anatomy that I would expect, but just simple, fiction based books. I placed my laptop on the table and looked at the books, exiting the screen. I could hear Renee's breath quicken when I vanished. "I talked to Jacob. I believe the other night. Yeah, I was out all day so two nights ago." I spoke loud enough for my mic to pick up.

"Jacob!" She cried out as I turned around, seeing Charlie stand in her place. Renee was yelling at Jacob about not telling her I was safe. I could barely hear his defense.

"Bella. You're coming home now." Charlie ordered, his arms crossed over his chest. I shook my head. "Bella. I don't care. I'm being attacked by the paparazzi as Rachel told them you were living with me."

"Welcome to my world then Charlie." I growled. Renee was still yelling at Jacob in the background, but it seemed to get lighter as Charlie walked away. I was amazed at the amount of books that were in the room. More surprised that none really were medical books. Who read in this house, I did not know. A small row of books caught my attention, my named glossed in shiny print.

"Well! Then come home so I can get away from _your_ people!" He emphasized the word your, forcing me to spin around, my fingers still on a few books.

"My people! _My_ people!" I snapped at him. How could he think that they were _my_ people. They were worthless people that have no life. They live miserable lives, and for fun they go and ruin others!

"Yes! _Your_ people! Sick little people!" He snapped back, his face turning red. He was getting furious. I didn't care. I turned my back from him and made my way toward my books. The shine of the print was beautiful. I chose it. My publishers protested, thinking that it was too much. But it wasn't. The Cullens sparkle when sun hits them, and so does this print. I could hear him babblering about something about the paparazzi, but I began to tune him out. There was a few books beside mine, with a familiar name on it. Edward Masen. I tilted my head as I took it out from it's spot, blowing the dust that had been collected. Still, I was barely aware of the now swear words leaving my Father's lips. I flipped open the cover, only to be surprised that it wasn't an ordinary book, but a journal. The first words caught me off guard.

_Today. My Wife, Elizabeth, bared me a wonderful baby boy. I was happy to see she lived through the ordeal. I was frightened that she wouldn't make it out alive._ I blinked. Who was this Edward Masen that wrote in this journal. Could it be Edward in his human life? Held away a deep secret of a wife? Or could it be that it's his Father. Edward Masen Senior. It was possible. I continued to read, sitting down on the fairly large seat behind the desk.

_He's beautiful. He has, my eyes. My bright emerald eyes that I knew every girl will coo over. He barely has any hair on his head, but I could tell it wasn't my head of hair, but instead his mothers. He is going to be a handsome boy. I know he will._ I smiled, knowing that this Edward Masen was true. I still wasn't sure which Edward it was, but it was moving toward Edward Senior. If that correct, then the deceased man was correct. His son was really handsome. And I was lucky to have him.

_I'm scared for my son though. We may live a peaceful life now in 1901, but I'm not sure how long that will last. The Europeans are greedy people. Great Britain may come back for us, for this country. Europeans might come and invade. What will happen to my family then? Will we cease to exist? Will my Son leave this world without experiencing love? Life? I don't think I could live with myself if my Son didn't have a life. _

_Elizabeth, she's such a beautiful woman. I'm happy I caught her when I did. But now, what if our son dies? Would her mind vanish from beneath me? I heard that happens to women. They were so attatched to their child, that when they leave this world; even this country that they can't deal with the pain. Some, their mind to body connection vanishes, and they die. Others commit suicide, like an old friend of mine. I believe tomorrow, or even later tonight Elizabeth and I will name our miracle. I'm inching toward him being named Edward, after myself. To take on the family name. _

_But I can only hope that he lives past the week, and hope he lives a long life. We can only hope for the best. June 20th, 1901._ I began to flipped through the journal, ignoring my father's calls to me. I flipped toward the back, seeing they were blank, until it hit one entry.

_1918- I knew that this peace would never survive. I knew that my Edward wouldn't be able to live. Just about everyone here in Chicago are dying, from the Spanish Flu. I heard from Doctors that it spread worldwide. Peace was inevitable now. I caught it first, then my wife, Elizabeth, and surely Edward got it. I was hoping to God that he wouldn't catch this fatal virus, that he would be some of the survivors, but it seems God was not listening._

_The feeling of Death was horrible. This flu caused many people to throw up blood; which myself has caught this, while others drowned in there own fluids. I was sad for those who died that way. I knew, that I would die before my Son would. He was a tough boy, he was going to pull through. Though; I wish that is true. I knew that no one was going to survive, and everyone is going to die. I sat beside my family. My Wife's face, oh how much blue color came to it. My son, he wasn't as far as his mother and I were. But he and my wife had the fever that was slowly passing in me, though I knew it was bad. I was dying. No one could help. It was devastating to hear their suffering. I wish I could have just taken the virus from them and put it within myself. _

_There was this one Doctor, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He seemed to take an interest in us. He was a kind doctor, and always reassured Edward that we were all going to live, and he believed him. Through the fever and slightly blue face, he would smile happily. I knew it pained my wife to see him that way. I could imagine Edward healthy, laughing with his mother. Last time I saw that, he was sixteen. One year ago. He hid when the flu began to travel. I couldn't blame him. I knew Dr. Cullen was a being from above. He just seemed like someone he could help. Though, I'll always remember the words he said earlier this morning._

_'Edward Masen. I'm sorry, but you don't have long to live. We'll keep your wife and son alive as long as possible. But you, you are done.' I accepted that fact. I was farther ahead, and as long as my Son and Wife could live on. I would die peacefully. Dr. Cullen said that by morning, I might be gone. _

_I just wish that my Elizabeth and Edward live longer then I did._ I couldn't help but choke on those words. If this was my Edward's father's journal, then his wish came true. His son did live longer then him. A lot longer. Over a hundred years I believe. I finally began to tune back to my Father's words; but I didn't hear any. Instead I heard thrashing and screaming coming from the speakers. I became alert as I twirled my computer around, viewing nothing but destruction in the room.

"Jacob?" I gently called, but heard nothing. The small screams that were heard; vanished. "Charlie?" I rose my voice again, becoming frightened. "Renee?" I rose to my feet, peering into the screen at different angles, wishing I could see them like I was looking through a window. "Mom! Dad!" Tears stung my eyes as they threatened to come out. Horror struck me as Jacob's rippling skin flashed in front of my eyes. The of him from when I hung out with the pack back when I was eighteen. Their skins would ripple, then explode into fur; their minds clouded with anger. I began calling them through my computer getting nothing. I was panicking. My cell phone appeared in my hand as I dialed the home number, hearing the settle rings break through the silent room. No one answered. Not even a mouse scurried across the screen. A television broke me away from my terror, my name being called from it. It was also echoing through my computer screen.

"We're here at Isabella Swan's home where from what sources says, a strange wolf-like animal tore through the front door. Police officers found two bodies laying on the floor, claw marks covering their bodies. Their identities have not yet been released." I raced toward the living room. "On further news. Isabella Swan is still missing. A flight attendant remembers the novelist flying across the _country_. She was drunk even at that time." The Cullens stared at the television as the officers dragged my parents bodies out of my apartment, their fingers drenched in blood. I couldn't hold in the scream that was rising in my throat, but they must have sensed it as once it released, they covered their ears. I fell apart, fell onto the floor. My mind was clouded, my eyes seemed to change colors. "Jacob Black. Isabella's Husband." My head began to swirl, nausea was twisting it's way around my stomach. "Is also missing. Sources believe he and Isabella have ran away together in hopes of getting her pregnant. I am--" My ears began to tune out any noise, my lips would not move to form words. Edward ran to my side before anyone else.

I couldn't hear his words, couldn't hear his silky words to calm my shaking body. The only voice I could hear was Jacob's, his voice low and vicious.

_I know where __you__ are Bella. You're in Alaska. I'm heading North west after you. I apologize for hurting your parents. But they should have shut up when I told them too._ It was his voice, but I couldn't believe it. He had this attitude mixed within it. _I'm going to kill those _leeches_, and there's nothing you can do. You'll be killed if you get in my way._ Then his voice vanished. I wasn't sure if it was him actually, from all the years we've spent together that I someone equip their telepathy, and someone we connected many miles away or was it just my imagination, my broken mind speaking. My second option was more logical, as I could never suddenly be able to hear his thoughts. But I was scared. He hurt my parents; possibly murdered them! And now, if what that voice said was true, he's coming for me. I didn't know how long as I in that same spot, sobbing soundlessly, hearing nothing. But once sound hit my ears, it hit me hard.

"How long do you think she'll be like this?" Emmett asked, his voice loud beside me. They didn't move me from my spot, and I was happy, but I hated the sound now.

"I don't know. But now she seems alert." Jasper responded, kneeling down and spoke mumbo jumbo in my ear, forcing me to move away. "Her hearing is back." Loud steps echoed as I continued to sob. I hadn't noticed the chill on my back until I moved, causing my shirt to lift in the back, allowing it to touch bare skin. I was sitting between Edward's legs, his arms wrapped around me tightly, almost trying to stop me if I began to hurt myself. I knew they heard about my suicidal attempts if they were able to broadcast my vanishing act.

"L--oud." I could barely speak as Edward just gently lifted his hands to cover my ears, sending goose bumps to rise on my face.

"Whisper." I heard his muffle voice.

"Yes. She must be in shock, causing her loss of speech and hearing. Now that it's back after a few hours, they must be sensitive." Carlsile finished, feeling the icy hands leave my ears and lay on my shoulders, tense. It was amazing to see Edward in such control. I remember the first day in Biology, he inched himself away from me, because from what I learned later is that my blood was so incredibly desirable. He wanted to suck me dry, enjoy the feeling of my warm blood flowing into his mouth. I shuddered, thinking of a moment, his monster being released, his hands in the air while my body hung over him. He would be laughing like a crazy person as the blood dripped onto his face, my body disfigured. My head would be in one of his hands as he drank my blood through the air.(1) I laughed softly as my imagination went wild, able to see myself and Edward in that moment. But, right now. He was holding onto me like he did when he loved me; without any strain. How he could do that after so many years amazed me.

"Bella. Can you hear us clearly?" Tanya and Alice both spoke at once. I nodded as I knew my voice was not be released. "Good. How are you feeling? Hungry? Thirsty?" I simply shook my head and rubbed my stomach, trying to signal I was still incredibly nauseous. They took it wrong. "Food it is!" Before I could cry out they vanished and Edward pulled me into his chest. I was utterly confused with this boy now. He still amazed me; but he was holding me close, like when we were dating. Does this mean he wants to be friends with benefits? Ha. He's a stuck up old fool who barely kissed me; properly.

_I'm coming Bella!_ Jacob's voice echoed in my head, but this voice was slightly higher in pitch. _I'm going to kill those leeches!_ I shook my head, trying to shake his voice from my mind. Emmett knelt down beside me, about to talk when Rosalie whipped him back up. This was the first time I've fully taken a look at her since I arrived there. She was the same as usual, but now the bluury version of her vanished, and now her clearer version stayed. I was disappointed that she still doesn't like me, and didn't want her spouse to be near me, but I understood why. I felt the nausea return and I covered my mouth. The smell of the food the two brought dropped to the floor as now they finally understood my meaning. Wind whipped past me and I expelled acid into the un-used toilet, someone holding my hair. I knew who it was. It was Edward.

"You're going to be alright soon Bella." He softly spoke, making sure he didn't hurt my hearing I suppose. I lifted my face away from the now disturbed water and pushed the handle, watching it drain beneath me.

"Why?" I simply muttered, wiping away the residue that spilled onto my face. I looked up in the mirror to see his golden eyes staring at me with confusion, trying to figure out what I meant.

"Why what Bella? You're making no sense." He simply replied, kneeling down beside me.

"Why are you being so nice? Holding me like you did when _I_ was seventeen?" I asked, seeing him taken a bit back by my question. He took in a deep breath, thinking of an appropriate answer.

"Because Bella. I still care for you. Seeing you in there, broke my already dead heart." He sighed as he lifted my chin. "Now, why don't we get you ready to go home and see your parents." I cringed but accepted it. He helped me to my feet, after another 'empty the stomach' situation and out of the bathroom.

--

A/n: Okay. Sorry about the wait. My computer kept crashing, and I had geometry homework.

(1) I'm sorry that if it confused you. You see, my friend and I were talking during lunch about Twilight (Just because it was the two of us that day. Usually theres ten.) and we began talking about Midnight Sun and how fucked up Edward really is. And soon it became a discussion about how Edward could kill Bella. And soon it became this.

'What if he cut off Bella's head? Yah know because then all the blood would flow out from one easy place, and at a good pace. She could be tied to the roof by her feet.' I said.

'Yes! Then the blood would flow to the floor.' My friend said.

'And Edward would be underneath laughing like he had just made a jackpot! Blood would cover his face!'

'You have a sick mind. You should draw it.' And I did. (Pretty dumb though, I can't draw males.) So, that's the reason for that.

Review. Please.


	8. Author's Note

Author Note:

Good Morning. It's currently Six AM Pacific Coast Time and I'm sorry to announce this. I currently -- can not think of a thing to continue this story with. The beginning of this story, it was just for kicks. It was One AM and I wanted to write, I was in that mood so boom. I didn't even think ahead in the story so every chapter I've been randomly typing out. Actually, every one of my stories I just get ideas and shove them in. Theres no outline, no nothing.

So. I'm not sure when I'll get an Idea for Chapter Eight, but since Summer is only one week again. (Yes!) I might have it around then. Please check out my other stories if you myust read. I know that with Reunited story, I've gotten ideas for it so it's currently getting update faster then it orignally had.

I you have Ideas. Please don't hesitate to message me. I will give you the credit for the idea at the top so you can be recognized as the gfreat Savior!

Again, sorry about this.


	9. Chapter 7

"What do you mean there are no planes going out!" I shrieked into the phone.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. But theres a storm brewing." The woman spoke, voice filled with horror.

"I don't care about the storm! I have to get out of here!" Alice gently stroke my arms, trying to get me to calm down. I could see her muttering something, probably to Jasper. The woman spoke again about the storm. "Alright. You don't see the urgency about me getting home! If you don't I will just call my damn own plane!"

"Bella. Don't." Alice grabbed the phone and shut it after apologizing. "Your parents are fine. No need to get yourself killed." She grinned. "Now, come on. Why don't you go to bed. You're had a long day."

"Oh yeah. It'll be so easy to fall asleep knowing your parents were attacked by a werewolf! What happens if they turn into them as well!"

"Hollywood Bella." Jasper chuckled. "You should know fairly well about Werewolves."

"Shut up Jasper. I'm gonna go read because my novel is doomed!" I threw my hands into the air in annoyance before walking toward the library I had entered before. I could hear the two laugh at the end of the hall, entering the room. "Where was it." I looked for my name in the glossy print before _his_ name popped out. There were several journals, I just happened to read one of the main ones. I hadn't noticed one of them beside the Edward Masen Seniors' journals. Edward Anthony Masen. The name was scribbled on another spine. It had the familiar look of his fathers.

_1918- I'm afraid that my Father is going to die soon. He caught the illness that has spread across Chicago. My Mother, she's more worried about me. She already has the early signs of the illness. I'm worried about her as well. She told me to run in hope that myself would not catch it. I couldn't leave her. I was scared. My friends. I was no longer allowed to see them, play with them. I wasn't able to speak with anyone in town. _

_I have no clue what I'm going to do. I wish to live, but without my parents, I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Currently I'm seventeen, and soon will be eighteen. I'll be able to support myself and find myself a wife, but I rather have Mother and Father along side me, to help me through the first few years. At the moment I'm in my house, alone. Mother left to go retrieve medicine to help me become immune to the illness, but I know it's futile. It was a lie, but she won't listen._

"Bella. What are you reading?" Panic ripped through me as Edward's head appeared over my shoulder. "Wow, isn't that old."

"I'm sorry Edward. I read the other one--"

"I noticed." He interupted me. "I saw it on the floor when we came to retrieve you earlier." His fingers grazed the journal before pulling it from my fingers. "Wow, this is an old one. Where did you find it?" I simply pointed toward the bookcase. He grinned. "Ah, yes. For some reason Alice decided to place them beside yours."

"I guess. Do you guys read my novels?" I asked dumbly. A course they did, they have them.

"Only Alice. She actually reads them, I watch the images in her head. You have a good details." I felt my cheeks heat up with a blush before I played with the drawers on the desk. "So." I didn't face him, but his breath hit my neck, icy. It had a bite to it. "Angry about the airlines?"

"Yes." I simply muttered. I tried to hold in the anger that had rose in my system because of the damn airlines; AND Alice because she wouldn't allow me to take my private jet.

"Alice is only worried about you. Your jet _could_ fall out of the sky. And your parents are fine. Few deeps wounds, that's it." I turned to face at him, confused on how he knew this info. "Carlisle got a hold of the records on his computer." It was as if he read my mind.

"Oh. Still. I want to see them. And kick Jacob's ass!" I growled, only to see his body shake with laughter, his lips moved to speak. But I heard nothing. I couldn't hear the snow pounding on the roof that I had gradually tried to ignore. "I can't hear." I believe I said that. I wasn't sure though. I couldn't hear myself. I must have said something wrong because he shoved a pen and paper toward me. His lips moved again; but I still heard nothing.

**I can't hear you. I can't hear anything**. I wrote in my own calligraphy. His eyes went wide as his hands gripped onto my fingers, dragging me out of the chair. I heard a faint crash, but I wasn't sure if it was in my mind. Before I knew it I stood beside a couple more women, just as beautiful as Tanya. The majority of them looked to be as if they lived in the Play-Boy Mansion due to their outfits, and they were blonde. But a couple were red heads, reminding me of Victoria, others wore black hair, others brunettes. But they all wore the same gold eyes. Tanya was rubbing my shoulder, muttering something as I felt her icy breath on my ear. A light blinded me suddenly, causing my body to flinch back and hit into an icy body. It was muscular and it's hands wrapped themselves around me.

**Bella.** A paper was suddenly shown right near my face, causing my head to back away to read it clearly. It vanished once again and came with more words. **I'm not sure why your hearing would suddenly vanish. But; how long have you been on those anti-depressants?**

I simply wrote back a few years. Since my first novel was published. Carlisle faced me, his lips were a thin line.

**I believe you're going through a shock from not having those drugs in your system. It's not common for such a thing, but it's possible.** I grabbed the paper from him. Writing down about giving me my laptop. But before I could finish it landed on my lap. I began typing.

"How long do you think this will last? I have to get home as soon as possible." I pressed the button, allowing the computer to speak for me. But it did, due to the fact that Carlisle began writing again. Silence, it was peaceful.

**I'm not sure Bella. It could last minutes, hours, maybe even months.** I grinned and leaned my head back into the cold object, laughing softly. At least I think I did. Finally. I wouldn't have to hear the news, the paparazzi. Nothing! Silence was all I was going to hear. I felt the icy hands release me before walking away, the multiple bunnies staring at me. Alice hopped over, (Literally) her bunny ears flapping on her head. Her fingers scribbled some words onto my keyboard before forcing me to read. 'You're going to be a playboy bunny Bella. We're going to have a fashion show.' I paled. Before I could rise to my feet I was dragged by the blonds. Their chests bounced through the tight corsets.

"Come out Bella!" I heard the faint sound of Alice screaming outside the door. In the past six hours of being mistreated, I was able to get a small amount of sound to enter my ears, but I began to shake and feel like crap. The blonds giggled softly as they shoved a full length mirror in front of me, revealing my new; sexy look as they said. My B sized breasts were so high up, I thought if I lowered my chin they would collide. My face felt heavy, almost as if they added a pound of makeup, even though all they did was cover up and mascara. My legs were wrapped in fish netting, allowing my legs to look long and in shape.

I despised this.

"Come on!" Alice stormed into the room. Her voice was a soft whisper. She was going to take full advantage of my soft hearing. "Time to put on the Play-Boy fashion show!" I grimaced, feeling her icy fingers grab onto my wrists, yanking me out. "And here she is! The one and only Swan!" I glared before she shoved me out onto the runway that magically appeared through the time I was kidnapped. If I can say that at least. I watched every guy's eyes set on mine, a course Emmett was drooling, Edward looked slightly angry, while Jasper; he seemed troubled. Carlisle was only laughing to himself as Esme suddenly appeared beside me.

Her lips reached my ear, "Don't worry, just walk up to any of the guys and give them a small dance before walking back. Or shake your butt and walk in." It was so soft I almost didn't catch it. I guess she didn't want the boys to hear. She strutted her way toward Carlisle, wigging her small bunny tail a bit before a whistle reached my ears, causing my head to whip toward Edward, whom fingers were in his mouth. I grinned and did almost the same walk as Esme, swinging my hips like Rachel or Renee does when near _special_ men. I walked up to Emmett and grazed my finger up his chin, dipping slightly as I did.

I couldn't do much to the taken men, Jasper and Emmett since Carlisle was being occupied. And he was too old for me. Though they _all_ are pretty old. I did something similar to Jasper, only I felt suddenly insecure and backed away. Fear over took me but shook it away. Jasper won't effect me this time. I glided toward my Ex Boyfriend, seeing his eyes light up just a bit as I straddled his lap. I had no clue what I was doing. I felt like I was in a club, a fuzzy memory from the night I lost my virginity several times sadly. Good times dancing at the clubs, horrible when you walk away with another drunk.

I could picture the several men I've slept with on Edward's face, but he always shown through; just like with those nights. His face would appear when I nipped on their necks; sucked their face; allowed them to enter my body. And sadly the next day, we would part and never see one another. Before I knew it his icy lips were pressed against mine, hard and hungry, but he once again, would not open his mouth. But the kiss was urgent, it was slightly painful. His lips were too icy, too strange, too foreign. I've dreamed of this moment for the longest time. I dreamed he would kiss me again, hold me tight against his body. But this was only because of _me_, not because _he wanted too._ He was a man, and even he can't resist forever.

I shoved myself away from him and ran onto the stage, as fast as my heels would allow me before darting through the curtains; I was proud that I didn't trip. The girls giggled as they held up a mirror, showing the smudged lipstick around my lips, causing a growl out of me before storming back to the room.

"I'm going to do my novel." I growled.

--

A/n: Sorry about the wait. Been busy. School ends on the Thirteenth so yeah. Bye!


	10. Chapter 8

My fingers tapped violently on the keys, allowing my own words to be scribbled across the screen. I wasn't sure what I was writing, all I know that it wasn't remotely close to my novel. More of a mini story. I have hundreds of those. I couldn't hear anything around me once again, my body shaking from the absence of drugs and alcohol. I seriously was in rehab all over again.

I stared at my fingers, dancing across my computer, wishing I could hear the annoying 'tap' of it; but it wouldn't come, no matter how much I wanted it too. The thoughts, the memories of my drunken states flashed through my mind. The smell of their wretched breath, their body rocking against my dead self. I growled, at least I think I did, trying to get rid of it. I will kill Alice when I get the chance. I knew how—I think.

What was _I_ thinking!

How could I go and do that? I watched as random keys were pushed, my fingers shaking. Before I knew it, my entire body began to shake, my heart, I could feel it racing in my chest. It was uncomfortable. Cold sweat covered me. Alcohol withdrawal. I know it. It was bound to happen. But I've been through these before, just, this time I'm not with an expert. I pushed my laptop away as I laid on the floor, allowing my body to vibrate like a cell phone. It wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

I cleared my mind, letting it go blank. I remembered back to the more serious hallucinations that followed me around. One of those were Edward, but that was due to the fact my mind was screwed up, but the others were another symptom. I wasn't going allow those to return.

Something pushed the hair from my eyes, pale hand. A course that didn't help since I was the tannest one here. I wouldn't be able to find whom it was without hair, without the color of their hair. They spoke, but it was muffled through my deaf ears and pounding heart. More hands seemed to come, but this time I was able to recognize who it was because they stood in front of me. Carlisle.

He grabbed onto my laptop and erased my small gibber jabber before typing his own words. **Are you familiar with withdrawal?** I simply nodded back. I held up one finger, revealing him I've gone through this only once. He nodded and I shut my eyes, waiting out the withdrawal. I knew what this meant. I would go home. I wouldn't be able to see my parents, won't be able to help them through this. I wouldn't be able to shoot Jacob for this torture. I remembered his voice, echoing through my head. How he was coming for _me_.

Does he really know where I am? He's a smart kid, dense sometimes when it comes to anger. I let out a small choked cry as I thought of him coming here, allowing his anger to take control and take away my own life. He would do that. I knew he would. He really was that dumb. He would kill my entire family, known family actually. For all I know, I could have a cousin somewhere. Renee nor Charlie talked about my grandparents, or any brothers or sisters they had.

But if that voice was true; then my life is going to end. I was going to get the relief I needed. I was going to get all my wishes, except for one. My greatest wish was for Edward to take me back, so I can be happy once again. So I can get away from the flashing lights, away from the drugs and alcohol. Away from my life.

He can do that. I know he can. He had _that_ power.

Another pale hand wrapped themselves around my body, pulling me toward a broad chest. No bosoms were in the way, and knowing Alice and Rosalie, they wouldn't let their men toward me in fear of them probably being stolen. Even though they knew Edward still held my heart.

His fingers rested themselves on my left breast, only it wasn't sexually, it was to feel my heart pounding in my chest from the lack of alcohol. My ribs hurt, though I knew my heart wasn't hitting them. Just the feeling of it. I moved in closer to him, forming my body to fit into his torso. He didn't seem to mind that I was shaking and sweating beside him, forcing him to smell like perspiration, or the uncomfortable feeling of me shaking beside him.

He was whispering something in my ear. I could feel his icy breath on my ear. Did he think I could hear him at the moment because of before? Because I was fully aware I could hear him. I knew he wasn't just blowing in my ear, they were small swifts of air, from opening and closing of his lips. I felt the breath of a sigh from when I didn't respond, and his slim fingers suddenly appeared on my laptop keys. Before I could blink he'd finish his words he tried to speak to me not even a second ago. I couldn't help but cough out my gasp.

**Bella. I know what Alice and the girls put you up to. But what you did was to say the least; wonderful.**

He leaned over to stare at my face as I continued to cough. It was that type of feeling like you swallowed the saliva and it went down the wrong tube, causing you to cough it up. Yup, same feeling, though I think it was from the sharp intake of breath during the gasp. His cold fingers gently tapped on my back before he released me from his torso to sit up and stare at me. I just gripped onto my knees and shook some more, the sweat gliding down my neck. His eyes seemed to have focus there. The blood accelerated through the main vein of my neck. He could see it. He said my skin was so pale, so transparent, he could see the red blood flowing through.

It made me nervous. Years it has been since I sat in a house with vampires, knowing I could easily cut myself and I'd be on the floor, screaming as the venom invaded my blood. Though, they probably wouldn't allow me to get _that_ far in the process. They'd suck me dry.

I felt the shaking subside a bit, allowing me to sit easily on the floor without vibrating. It now felt like a small rattle, like when you carried something heavy for a long time then when you pick up something light your arms shake. It was fairly comfortable, better than the insane shaking. My heart still thumped heavily in my chest, allowing my blood to be my only hearing.

Edward just continued to stare, but he seemed to try and hide his now onyx eyes behind his messy bronze hair. I grabbed onto my laptop and began to type, turning it around to show him. _Go Eat._ It said. He seemed to have agreed because he vanished. I began to type my novel. It was going no where. And I was screwed if my publishers find out. I don't think they would keep me if I didn't finish this.

Time flew, I knew it did because I found myself sitting cross legged, my head on my hands which were held by my legs. A blanket was laid across my back, but it still didn't stop the shaking. The clock showed five AM. This was around the time I left the house to go travel New York. Find morning ideas, and other crud I really didn't care about. Rosalie's blonde hair caught me off guard that I screamed, falling back.

"Bella! Don't scream alright!" She cried out. I could _hear_ her clearly.

"S—sorry." I muttered, seeing a smile on her lips. She simply walked over and grabbed a hold of my chin, moving my face from side to side.

"Bella. You look like shit." She groaned out. "How in gods name are we going to get Edward to make out with you once again." I knew I blushed because my heart began to thump even harder, and heat reached my icy face. I struggled to shake my head, but her grip was strong. But really, what do I expect from a _vampire._ "Come on Bella. You made the move on Edward."

"I—I didn't know what came over me. He was the only one available--"

"But! All you had to do was walk out, strut, and walk back. But instead you followed Esme's lead. But it seems like you were a natural while doing the dance Bella." Her eyes stared deep into mine. I felt like crying. "Your not innocent anymore are you?" I kept silent. Tears threatened to burst through the dam I was holding. But all it needed to do was rain, and the dam would be useless. I suddenly felt another pair of arms wrap around me, someone smaller.

"Oh Bella! Stop!" Alice cried, her small gold eyes glaring at Rosalie, who only grinned. "Don't make her answer that question. A course she is." It began to rain.

"Oh come on Alice. It's been _years_ since we last really spoke with this girl and she's been--" She lifted her fingers and began folding each one down with each thing she pointed out. "Clubbing, drinking, abused drugs, attempted suicide, _and_ gone to rehab several times." She seemed pleased to find a whole hand of problems I've developed. "And what do girls do during clubbing?" It was rhetorical.

"But I know Bella! You wouldn't go and throw away your virginity all willy nilly. Right Bella?" She seemed to be waiting for my answer. But I didn't want to answer. I just pushed myself away and sat on the floor once again, hugging my knees. "Bella?"

"I was drunk. I had no clue what I was doing. I think I was doing research for one of my unpublished novels. Stuff happened." I simply muttered. "Had a few abortions every now and then. But, what could I do!" I was crying now, almost sobbing. "I'm depressed, drunk half of the bloody times and those men just love me! One night I vaguely remember several men--" I stopped, hearing my words turn into rubbish.

"Told you. She's experience. Learned while she was drunk and stuck in her subconscious. She's probably been in playboy." Rosalie accused. I cried harder, nodding my head. "Bell--"

"What!" Edward interrupted Rosalie, his eyes now a topaz color but they were filled with anger. I couldn't face him. I loved him so much, and he still cares for me. He ran up to me, grabbing onto my collar. Fear ran through me as his eyes glared at mine. I was helpless. "Why would you do that!" I couldn't speak.

Fear took over my system.

I didn't know what I was saying afterwards. It was all instincts. I felt horrible though. But Edward got what he wanted. He always asked if I was scared, and I simply said no. But now, I was terrified.

"Don't kill me!" I cried, struggling to get from his grip. He just stared at me, the anger leaving his eyes. "Oh god. Don't kill me." Once my feet touched the ground, I felt myself running. Running away from him, from the fear.

"Good one Edward." I heard Alice mumble as I ran from the room, and past Jasper. He turned and stared at Alice who met up with him. "Edward. He freaked out. He lifted her by the collar and she freaked out herself--yeah. She's terrified of him." I saw Esme and Carlisle stare at me funny as I ran through the front door and into the icy snow. It burned into my skin. The shake returned, my heart raced with fear as I forced myself to move through the snow. My legs, they immediately went numb from the cold. I was lost within minutes. I could only see one figure, and that was _his_ bronze hair. Usually, I would embrace death like it were my best friend, my lover, but now. I don't know why I suddenly didn't want to die. Was it because I wanted to help my parents, see if they were alright? Or because I wanted to hurt the person who hurt them?

I wasn't completely sure.

He kept following me until the numb feeling became pain, my skin being peeled off as the snow stuck. I felt like I was a small child, seeing a frozen pole and just wanting to touch it with my tongue. Crying as it was stuck, resisting the need to be released. But this time, no one could simply put warm water to release the pain. No, I was stuck with this flesh shedding pain. His pale hands were hesitant as they grabbed onto my hands, but the fear still resided in my blood. I pulled away.

"Don't kill me. Please." I kept muttering. I still don't know the reason for it.

"Shh. I'm sorry Bella. I'm so sorry." He whispered in my ear, soothingly. "I over reacted. Just the thought of other men taking advantage of you. Of you allowing them to take you that way angered me." It helped me a bit, but I was still terrified. Then he said the words I wanted to hear. "I won't hurt you Bella." I hesitated to grab him hand, but once he did, he pulled me close to his chest. The snow felt warmer then his skin. "I only over reacted because I still love you."

I barely heard it. But when I was able to register it, his lips were already forced onto mine. Was a hypocrite. Saying men took advantage of me; though it wasn't too long ago when I made out with him while I sat on his lap. The kiss was gentle this time. Wasn't harsh or anything. It was passionate without the transfer of saliva. He ended it too short, just like when we both were seventeen. Too short for my liking.

But when it ended, it seemed like the kiss took away all the pain because it came back with full force. I could feel the blood draining from my legs slowly from the small wounds on them as the skin was ripped off. Nothing serious, but hurt like a bitch. Before I knew it, he lifted me in his arms so no sliver of snow touched my bare skin.

And he began walking. In silence thankfully.

--

A/n: Sorry about the wait guys. I just finished school so now it's summer but I had a hell of a lot of finals to do and they were a pain. Review.


	11. Chapter 9

Jacob Black, my best friend, has been in the front page of everything since I returned to New York. His face was usually plastered next to a picture of me, from when we were younger mostly. Back when I dated him for a short while.

At the moment, I hated the boy.

When I was able to return, about two weeks after the attack, I found out my parents past away due to internal bleeding. They couldn't help them once it started. For a few more weeks I sat in an office, speaking to a funeral man about crap I didn't care about. Alice Cullen, a close friend of mine, also a vampire, did most of the arrangements while I was in a funk, as what a lot of reporters are saying.

But why wouldn't I be in a _funk._ My parents died while I was trying to escape reality. Sadly, once I returned, I was more in the limelight then ever. Since three of my vampire buddies, Alice and Jasper, the lovely couple whom both held a special ability that effect me, and the man whom was my love in High School, and recently declared he still loved me; still, and held a power of mind reading, though it did not affect me, Edward Cullen.

"Come on Bella." Edward guided me away from the grave when snow began to fall on out heads, turning my depressing outfit into an angelic one. I stuck my feet into the ground and sat, refusing to leave my parent's grave. "Come on Bella. You can't stay here forever." For some reason, I haven't been able to shed a tear since their death. And it was bugging me. The stinging sensation of the tears behind my eyes were constant, and they wouldn't stop.

"Edward." Jasper finally spoke once everyone departed. I could hear the struggle in his voice. He was trying to get Edward to leave me alone, allow him to feel what I'm feeling. But of course, they were going to do it in their heads.

Edward took a deep sigh before kneeling down beside me and planted a soft kiss on top of my head. "I'll be hunting." He murmured into my head. "Not far away. Call when you're ready." I simply nodded. He kissed my hair again before vanishing, leaving a soft gust.

Alice, being the good sister slash friend she was, sat beside me, silent. She would every now and then stand up to pace, or space out when a vision would hit her. Of course, she would smack me because of my rash decisions. Mostly about throwing myself at Edward and force him to damn me to hell, or attempting suicide.

Time, it seemed so slow without warmth around me. Alice, she wouldn't dare to touch me mostly because she was even icier than the snow. I could see my parents laughing faces, feel their hugs, feel the love radiating off of them. And now, it was gone. I wiped away the few fallen tears, actually happen that they finally had fallen, but not enough for my liking.

I felt hands wrap around me and yanked me from my small coven of snowflakes, the print where I once was suddenly filled with the small avalanche of flakes. Edward's soothing voice reached my ears, speaking how it's late and freezing. I couldn't feel anything. Nothing at all. Not even the love radiating off of the three.

The cushions of my couch hit me, forcing me to jolt from what I believe was a small nap. How did I suddenly get into my new apartment? Sadly, my old one brought too much pain of the attack.

"Bella! You're awake!" Rachel grinned at me, forcing a small scream to be released from my lips. It looks like she got another plastic surgery from the looks of her chest. Bigger, much bigger. "The Cullens here asked me to come over so I could say this personally." She took in a deep breath, her chest filling up like a balloon. "I'm giving you time off so you can gather yourself together!"

"You scared me to say that!" I roared as she shrunk back. I suddenly felt the cold melting from my body as Edward stood behind me, holding my shoulders. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A couple hours. You were half asleep at the cemetery, and by the time I reached the car, you were out." He seemed to grin. "And I asked Rachel here to give you more time on your novel because of the stress. It's really beginning to get to you." He knelt down so his lips were near my ear, his icy breath sending chills. "You almost look like a vampire."

I couldn't help but grab my mirror, which I kept on the table at all times to make sure no one was stealing my food, (Rachel and friends.) and looked at myself. It was true. I almost looked like an Alice with brown eyes and hair. Too bad I wasn't one.

I stared up at Rachel, who was grinning, and forcing Edward to look at her chest. He seemed disgusted.

"Thank you Rachel." I grumbled, small amounts of jealously rising. "You may leave then."

"Ah, but Bella." She whined. She reminded me of a teenager. "Can't I stay here with your hubby? Maybe, take him out to dinner?"

"I'm sorry Rachel." I answered before Edward got to open his mouth. "But he's my boyfriend, so I can't allow you to take him out." I wrapped my arms around his neck while I stared at her. "He needs to warm me up." I smirked and kissed Edward softly on the cheek. "Right?"

"Oh, uh yeah." He seemed a bit frazzled. I couldn't help but laugh in my mind. Rachel raised an eyebrow before bouncing her chest out of my apartment. I then released the laughter from my lips and turned to my _hubby_ whom looked even more pale, flushed maybe. "Warm you up eh? I don't think I can warm you up."

I bit on my lower lip, "Oh, but you can. Even someone as cold as you can _warm_ me up." I saw his face flush again before he took my arms off from around his neck and stand up. "Ah, Edward." I pouted.

He just laughed. "Bella. You know our boundaries still apply. I don't feel like draining you of your sweet blood." He smiled before kissing my hair. "Come on, you're in need of a good shower."

"Will you join me?" He laughed again.

"Bella, stop it alright? I won't sleep with you. Even technically I can't sleep with you." I sighed.

"Your no fun Edward. You're too cautious." I muttered, rising to get the shower I was in need of. Thankfully, the hot water felt good against my icy body. My forehead leaned against the off white tile, the water running down my back. Once again, I felt depression smash into my body, sending me to the floor softly. Though, that didn't keep Edward's sensitive ears from hearing.

"Bella? You alright?" He asked, opening the door to the bathroom.

"Yeah." I sniffed, feeling the tears stream down my already wet cheeks. "I'm alright. Just needed to sit."

"You want me to go to the pharmacy and get your pills?" Was he serious? He's the one who took away the ones I managed to sneak in. Of course, Alice saw and Edward heard, and took them away.

I wanted to scream yes, but it felt wrong after what trouble I gave the Cullens, and Tanya's coven. "No." I denied the offer. It felt good to release the tears after too many days. I allowed them to flow until my skin began to wrinkle under the faucet, making me look like an old raisin. It made me laugh though when I stared into the mirror, lifting my wrinkly fingers to point at my new refreshed face. The paleness seemed to vanish, but the dark circles under my eyes remained.

But I wasn't sleepy. Not one bit.

I actually just felt like sitting in Edward's lap and watch television, anything to get my mind out of the gutter, and away from death. Though, I guess that wouldn't help since Edward was technically dead, but I didn't care.

I leaned against my door frame, watching my Edward lay on the couch, his eyes shut, his chest barely bouncing. If I didn't know better, I would think he was sleeping. I softly walked over to him and laid myself in his chest, snuggling closer to him. His icy body sent shivers down my hot. I loved the feeling. He snaked an arm around my waist and pushed out any air that separated us.

"Are you sure?" He simply whispered. I knew what he was talking about, but I just stared at my glass table, nodding my head.

"I'm sure." I twisted myself around to bury my head into his muscled chest, cooling my head. "Edward?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Bella." He kissed me gently on the head before I shut my eyes, my fingers curling around a chain that wrapped around my neck. A crucifix. A present from Edward, to remind me of God's power, to remind me that my parents are somewhere great, wonderful, peaceful.

The tears began to fall again and I allowed the sounds of sadness to leave my lips, allowed my body to shake against him as he held onto me. I felt worse for staining his shirt, and to make him watch me, hear me, feel me the way I did. It made him feel horrible, thinking who I became was his fault.

I remembered that conversation clearly at his home in Alaska.

"_Edward. Come on." I tried to sound strong, but tears were streaming down my cheeks. I had finally gotta full control of my hearing, and Edward, well; he was being a pain. "It's not your fault."_

"_It _is_ my fault Bella!" He spun on his heel to stare at me, his fingers gripping onto my shoulders. "If I didn't leave you, then you wouldn't be this depressed girl that covers the tabloids." Surprisingly, the paparazzi found out where I ran off too, and my name was in bold letters. I had the magazine gripped in my fingers. **Isabella attempting suicide in Alaska!** Was there new headline._

_I growled at Edward's foolishness._

"_I probably would have become this anyway because of Jacob, Edward!" I forced his hands from my shoulders. "We wouldn't have been able to keep that damn werewolf from getting near Charlie or Renee. They are friends, and they can't keep away from each other."_

"_That is true, but the whole reason they are dead is because of me! Jacob found you here through that damn computer of yours! And saw us, so he killed your parents." I couldn't believe my Edward was cussing._

_The tears continued to fall as I turned on my heel and walked away._

"_You're so stubborn! It's not your fault! I came here on my own! And my fault for getting drunk when on medication. You left for my safety so stop blaming yourself!" I snapped. He grabbed onto my hand and whipped me around. "And I would never have met you if I didn't leave Phoenix." _

"_We would have met at one point Bella. You would have visited your Father."_

"_Yes, but I wouldn't actually have to meet you. It would be during the Summer and that's it. You wouldn't come near me." His icy fingers gently glided across the wet streaks on my cheeks, wiping them away._

"_Bella. Don't blame this on yourself. You have enough problems on your shoulder." I sniffed a couple times before burying my head into his chest. "Bella. It pains me to see you in such sadness. It's partially my fault_ _for whom you've become, and nothing can change that fact."_

_I mumbled something incoherent. He just laughed._

"_Bella, I am sorry for what I've done to you. And it'll always pain me for what I've done. Please, please, just get better." I nodded._

I could feel my body, my emotions calm down, the noises slowing to a stop. It was nice to allow those sounds, those emotions out, even if it looks like someone spilled an entire cup of water on Edward's shirt.

"Sorry." I sniffed, lifting myself to check the damage. He just smiled that crooked smile I loved so much and kissed me gently where the streaks laid.

"It's alright. It's not like I'll die over it." I scrunched up my face, hearing his musical laugh escape his lips. "Sorry." I playfully slapped him on the arm and sat up fully, on his stomach of course since he took up the majority of the couch. "Feeling better?"

"Much." I crossed my legs and stared down at him, his crooked smile still plastered on his face.

"What do you want to do for the rest of the day? It's only about, three?" He looked over at the clock during his sentence, to check the time. I thought he could see it without looking. I shrugged. "Want to just sit here and watch television? Or go yell at Alice and Jasper for leaving you in need?"

"I understand why they would leave. Jasper would have been in the same mood as me, and Alice probably didn't want him to suffer. They're probably at the mall or something." I grinned, laying myself on top of him, though I kept my head and part of my torso off of him with my elbows. "Why don't we just stay here and play some games online?" I grinned. "We can get a hold of Emmett and play with him?" He just shrugged and grabbed onto my waist, lifting me with ease before setting me down. He grabbed onto his cell phone before speaking to whom I believe was Emmett.

"Yeah, she's bored and wants to play online. What system do we have again? Xbox 360?" He stood up and seemed to look around. "Bella. We're gonna need to buy an Xbox. Go get dressed." I nodded and ran into my room. His voice was now muffled. I couldn't hear a word he spoke. I quickly slid on one of my casual clothes and my wallet. I loved my credit card. I walked straight toward the front door where Edward stood, holding it open.

"So, I guess you guys only have the Xbox?"

"Yeah, and we'll have to find you a few games while we're there. I'm going to call him back because the games he has are shoot them up games." He took in a deep breath before walking beside me, his arm wrapped around my waist.

"Like what shoot them up games?"

"Halo, Call of Duty, that kind of stuff." I couldn't help but grin. What Edward didn't know is that I actually adored those type of games. Whenever my medication wouldn't work I would rent some games and play them all night, defeat them, and take them back. It was my dirty little secret. He held me close, almost as if he was trying to keep me from being stolen from the bad men of New York city. He was so protective at times. I just kept my head snuggled under his arm and morphed into his side. I was happy once again, and it seemed like the paparazzi liked it. We rushed into the nearest game store when the flashes began and I hid behind Edward as he grabbed the game console. We strolled through the aisle, only to have him pull out the dumb Sims game.

"Edward?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you play these type of games?" He asked. I grinned and let the laughter run out of my mouth. "What?"

"Edward. I play shoot them up games. Let's get Call of Duty." I grinned, grabbing onto the game.

"You're a strange girl Bella."

"I know!"

--

"Gah! Emmett! No fair!" I cried into my microphone. I got everything I needed, and I could hear Tanya groaning through hers.

"Bella!" Her high voice echoed through my ear. "We can't let them win!"

"I win! But they play this game too much!" My man hid in a glitch in the game. I was grinning to myself before Edward's man hopped in with me. I growled. "Edward, you cheat! You can see where I am."

"'Course. Best thing about being here with you." He kissed me gently on the lips before Emmett's booming voice echoed through our ears.

"Ugh! Stop you two! If I can't do that to Rosalie through the mic, then neither can you!"

"Maybe you should get her a mechanic game Emmett. Then she'll make out with you." I laughed, only to hear Emmett grunt and speak something about how there weren't any of those games. Edward wrapped his arms around me, still keeping his fingers moving on the controller and kissed my hair.

"You seem happy. I'm glad." He softly spoke before pausing the game and gently grabbed onto my chin, kissing me gently again. I grinned and kissed back, enjoying the feel of his icy lips on mine.

"Hey! No pausing the game to go Kiss kiss!" Tanya laughed into the mic, causing a ringing sound to echo in my ear. I pulled away, surprisingly, and began fighting once again.

"Don't want to upset the vamps."

"Yes, but what's worse, upsetting a vampire next to you or across the country?"

"Cross country because the one next to me, I can make up later." I grinned.

"Finally! The hundred year old virgin will no longer be a virgin!" Emmett roared with laughter, and I could hear the others in the background laughing.

"Edward finally get laid?" Rose spoke loud enough for me to hear. The controller beside me dropped as Edward ripped the mic from his head.

"Edward! Come on!" I cried out. "They're just having fun!" I stood up and ripped everything from my body as well. I could faintly hear the others speaking too. He stopped once I stood up and spun around and grabbed onto my waist, kissing me fiercely, passionately. It was surprising.

Once he released my lips he grinned. "Sorry Bella. But they're right." I could see such love in his eyes.

"Edward?"

"I want you now Bella. I've wanted you for so long." I was about to speak when his lips met my neck.

"Edward." I gasped. "Bu—but my blood?"

"I fed today. I'll be fine." He looked at me again. "Do you want this?" I nodded, grinning.

"I was giving you signs before you big buffoon! I guess your brother and sister just needed to give you a push!" I laughed and kissed him, though he seemed hesitant to open his mouth. I heard the slam of my bedroom door, and the shrill laughter over the game.

--

A/n: Sorry about the wait. I've been procrastinating. So I made this a bit longer. Be happy! Review!


	12. Chapter 10

I let out an irritated sigh, watching my Greek God walk out of the room, a sad expression on his face. I had to do it. He aggravated me too far this time. Why work up a woman like that then decide it was wrong? You don't.

I pulled my sleeves back onto my arms before stomping my way toward my front door, waiting for Edward to retrieve his clothing. Sure, I was acting like a kindergarten child, but it was necessary.

"Bella?" He asked as I leaned against the door frame, smoothing out my clothing so none of my 'evil' neighbors took pictures of _Isabella's new fling._

"I don't want to talk, Edward." I whined, stomping my feet against the flooring again. Hopefully, I won't get a call from below about a ruckus. He seemed to be amused by my mini tantrum. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." I huffed out, pointing to the hall-way. "You get your half naked tooshie out that door before I kick your half naked tooshie out there." I ordered.

"Please, Bella. You're making a commotion." He pleaded, noticing my neighbors exiting their doors, including Alice and Jasper, whom I guess found a room on the same floor.

"What's going on you two?" Alice excitedly spoke, bouncing in her place. Jasper just seemed to flinch.

"It's not that bad, Jasper. Sorry." Edward muttered.

"You Edward, are radiating guilt, while Bella is radiating many emotions in the same category as anger." Jasper pointed out.

"Well, that's because your moronic brother decided to _work_ me up, if you catch my drift. Then decided that it was wrong, that we couldn't do it!" I sneered. Edward only apologized under his breath as I turned to Alice. "Can you stay with me for the night so I don't _try_ to injure the boy?"

"'Course darling!" Alice squealed. "He'll stay with Jasper! And we'll have a party about town! Splendid!" Her pixie-like fingers wrapped around my wrist as she pushed me further into my apartment and shoved Edward all at the same time. "Girls night!" She gleamed, slamming the door in Edward's pleading face. "Details! I want them."

"Yes Bella." Emmett screamed through the microphone. "Do tell us how our words made Edward jump you!" He let out a rumbling laugh before shooting at other online players.

"He jumped you!" Alice squealed again before grabbing onto the microphone. "What happened!?" As Emmett filled in what he knew I decided to go hide in my kitchen, drowning myself in a huge tub of ice cream. It felt good against my burning body. I hopped myself onto the counter, crossed my legs as I shoveled into the icy sugar, of course, smothering it all on my face and top; not caring.

It wasn't long before Alice probably saw me and rushed into my kitchen, glaring down upon me as I simply grinned, nodded, and went back to shoveling the sugar. She wouldn't allow me. At vampire speed she came toward me, ripped the carton from my hands, threw it into the trash, and was back at her spot before I could blink.

"Alice!" I growled. She looked confused before crossing her arms. "Don't do that. I want my ice cream."

"I didn't do anything Bella." She grinned, though her lie was flawless. "Now, go get dress, we're going to go somewhere wonderful."

"If it has to do with a mall, Alice. Then my answer is a no."

"A mall? Come on Bella. You know me better than that."

"Your somewhere wonderful is a mall, Alice." I hopped off the counter and wiped my face with a wet cloth. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Come on, Bella." She whined. "You need new clothes to get back at Edward. He got you all worked up for sex then just blew you off." She hesitated, "That sounded wrong. But you know what I mean." I sighed as she gripped onto my arm and yanked me toward my bedroom. "Now! Let's see what you have in your closet."

"Please don't." I groaned as she flung open the door. I covered my ears when she let out a scream.

"You have Prada! Oh my! You have many high-fashion company brands!" She cried out, ripping out several of my expensive dresses. "You, Isabella Swan, whom hates expensive clothing have these!" She held up one of my black Prada dresses in her hands, gripping tightly onto the hangers.

"Business. Whenever I go out to dinners with other authors or anyone important, I have to dress expensive. So, that's my expensive closet; per say. I have my comfortable clothing off in that closet." I pointed to the one several feet away from the one she stood in. She only shook her head.

"Well! You and I are wearing these on our trip!"

"Trip. What trip?"

"Our trip to the wonderful land of secrecy." I groaned. She handed me one of my simple prada dresses before stripping of my clothes, and slipping it on before I could even blush. "There! Beautiful!"

"Alice, I don't like to get these messed up." I growled as she threw at me the matching heels.

"Pish posh, Bella." She gleamed. "We're going on an important trip and you shall be fabulous!" She threw her hands into the air as she destroyed my closet, shoving every dress, skirt, or basically every high-fashion piece of clothing into a suit case. "Now, we're leaving." She grabbed onto my wrist and yanked me from my apartment and down the blocks of New York.

**Edward's Point of View.**

What was I doing? Everything was becoming hot, too hot for my liking. Bella's mouth kept attacking mine as I set her down onto her bed, gently peeling her top off. God, she was so beautiful.

I yanked my mouth away from hers just to take in the sight in front of me, and the pesky bra that stood in my way. I snaked my cold fingers along her back, feeling the goose bumps rise as a trail, my fingers fiddling with the clasp. Warm lips began to make their way from my collarbone to my jaw line, her fingers gently pulling off the buttons of my shirt.

This was getting out of hand. I can't allow this to happen. If I _slept_ with her now, then our relationship would never be the same, she'll crave the vampire sex. She'll love it! She'll love me even more. But. I could kill her all the same. I would probably lose control, and suck her dry. Or even worse, I wouldn't control the strength that I hide from her every day.

My mind, it screamed for me to stop, to wait, while my body and the monster growled, wanting it to continue.

I stared down at her chocolate eyes before choosing my decision. She whined in protest as I gently pushed myself away from her hot body, her fingers clawing for me to continue our activity.

"I'm sorry, Bella. But I can't."

"Of course you can." She whined again, clawing for me once more. "You can do it, Edward."

"I'm sorry Bella. I can't. It's wrong. It'll destroy our already messed relationship." I gave her a soft kiss on her head before standing on my feet, staring at her now angry expression. "Bella?"

"How dare you!" She growled. I felt guilty. "How dare you work me up as you did then stop!" She quickly stood up after sliding her sleeves back over her shoulders and stomped out of the room like a small child. I had already retrieved my clothing.

"Bella?" I called out after her, rushing behind her. I wanted to apologize. If only she would listen to me.

"I don't want to talk, Edward." She whined, stomping her feet against the flooring again. I couldn't help but grin slightly at her way of trying to get me to listen. Her neighbor's thoughts ran through my head, mostly about how she tried to smooth out her clothing and not her hair. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." IShe huffed out, pointing to the hall-way. "You get your half naked tooshie out that door before I kick your half naked tooshie out there." I ordered.

"Please, Bella. You're making a commotion." I pleaded, though I was trying not to laugh at her choice of words.

_What did you do!_ Alice's fairy-like voice rang through my head as she appeared beside Bella, Jasper at her side. His mind was running along the line of our emotions. Anger, guilt.

"What's going on you two?" Alice excitedly spoke, though her head was completely different.

_Edward. You guys are killing me. What you do to her anyway to get her _this_ angry?_

"It's not that bad, Jasper. Sorry." I muttered softly.

"You Edward, are radiating guilt, while Bella is radiating many emotions in the same category as anger." Jasper pointed out. I grimaced as Bella took in a deep breath.

"Well, that's because your moronic brother decided to _work_ me up, if you catch my drift. Then decided that it was wrong, that we couldn't do it!" She sneered toward my direction.

_Edward!_

"I'm sorry, I have a reason." I softly spoke, trying not to allow Bella to hear.

"Can you stay with me for the night so I don't _try_ to injure the boy?" She asked.

"'Course darling!" Alice squealed, too happy about the arrangement. "He'll stay with Jasper! And we'll have a party about town! Splendid!" She grabbed onto Bella and gave me a quick glance.

_I'll take her out somewhere to calm her down._

I silently thanked her as she ripped me out of the apartment and vanished inside. I let out a deep breath as Bella's neighbors dispersed into their own room before Jasper walked toward his, and my new home for awhile.

"Edward. How could you do that to her?" He asked once inside. Their apartment was the same as Bella's, just different colors and furniture.

"Emmett and Bella were talking. I couldn't help myself. But once I comprehended what was happening, I remembered that I could kill her. She's weaker then when we met her in Forks. I can kill her, or even lose control much easier." I sighed, slipping on my shirt, which buttons were now destroyed. He only let out a hearty laugh before turning on the television. "I'm sorry that Alice is over at Bellas."

"Don't worry about it Edward. Alice was going to go break up your _activity_ anyway. She could see you slightly losing control." I let out a soft sigh.

_Good thing you stopped huh? Nothing more embarrassing then having your sister catch you losing your virginity._

He let out another laugh before switching through the channels. "That's not funny, Jasper." I growled, only forcing his laughter to grow.

"Oh, but it is Edward. Imagine, having my Alice burst into the room, scream that's the wrong position. Show you some techniques, then say that you can't have sex." I grabbed one of the nearest objects to me and propelled it toward his head, breaking upon impact. He turned his head around and laughed even harder. "Oh, don't get so angry Edward. You stopped it, and stopped the embarrassment that was surely going to happen. But now, I owe Alice fifty dollars."

"You made a bet on us?" I plopped myself beside him as he nodded. "And you lost."

"Of course. I didn't think you would stop when all that lust was radiating off of you."

"I hate your power sometimes."

"And I despise yours." He sighed once again, flipping through the channels. "So, can you hear them? Well, Alice actually?"

"Of course." I let out a sigh.

_I should force her onto a trip! Oh gosh! She has Prada! Why does Bella have Prada!?_ I let out a groan. Bella have Prada clothing? Lies. _Oh, this one would look fabulous on her! We must go back to Forks, or maybe Seattle. Ha! How 'bout Vegas? Oh my, I'm thinking to myself again. _

"She going on a trip?" Jasper asked suddenly. I nodded.

"She's thinking of taking Bella to Seattle, maybe even Las Vegas."

"You sure that's good for Bella? Alice might drink, or someone might make Bella drink. That's something she shouldn't be doing. She won't be fine with just one drink. Sober for how many weeks now? Three? Four?"

"Around there. And I know. So, when they leave I'll follow them. Alice will understand. Right?"

"Well, she did scream Girls night. So she might be mad, but maybe as long as you keep a distance from the two, then yeah." He grinned, "And if you're going, I'm going too. And knowing Alice, she'll invite Rose, and Emmett will come along, and probably others from Denali. It'll be an orgy." I cringed at the word.

"Jasper."

"What?"

"I'm not in the mood to hear about an orgy." He let out another laugh as I stood up and glared at him. "I'll be listening to the stereo in your room now."

--

A/n: Sorry that it took so long. Had writers block and computer bores me. Review.


	13. Author's Note 2

Author Note #2.

Good afternoon everything. It's August Eighth, 2008. Today is the beginning of the Beijing 2008 Olympics. Yay.

Okay. I know that I haven't updated this story a 'lil over a month. And I'm sorry for that. But sadly, I don't know how to do the next chapter.

When I last updated the story, I was actually growing bored, so I have no idea on how to end the story. But when the next chapter is written and up, it will be the last. Crappy right?

I'm sorry. But now that the final book of Twilight, Breaking Dawn, it has changed everything. (Specially on my other story I was writing up.)

Thank you all of you who have stuck with me. I will try and put up the next chapter as soon as possible.


	14. Author Note 3

Alright

Alright. I have some good and bad news.

Good news is that I'm almost done with the final chapter. Woo hoo.

Bad news is that my Computer's hard-drive crashed when it was affected by a virus. But I believe I can still send it along to this computer to finish. I'm not positive though. So, the chapter was going to be update soon but now delayed.

Sorry for the complications.

But I like to thank all my reviewers AND alert readers. I hope you stick around for the last chapter.


	15. Final Chapter

**A/n**: Yes. I'm incredibly sorry about the wait guys. Like I said, last computer crashed and I didn't even both sending it just because I knew it was infected so I rewrote the entire chapter. It's a killer. But it took me so long 'cause of school. EVERYONE SAID JUNIOR YEAR WAS SIMPLE!!! THEY LIED!!! The final chapter is long. So enjoy!

--

It was so realistic. The sound of my own screams as I struggled against the icy flooring. The smell of rust and salt attacked my nose, sending my stomach into twists and turns. How did this happen?

How is that my knees decided to break from under me, sending me into the floor when they are needed? I had to run. I had to do what Edward was screaming at me to do, what Jacob was forbidding! I just wanted the snarls, my screams, and the pain to vanish. I no longer wanted to feel like this. I'd rather have the burning venom to run through me than have my heart pump to keep me warm; to keep me alive completely.

The floor beneath me seemed to get warmer as my own body seemed to get colder, deader. Edward's screams continued to echo through my now fading hearing. And then the growls decreased, everything vanished; except the pain.

--

I was feeling evil, devilish almost. I turned over in the bed, looking at my lover, (Even though he rarely touches me now, yet, it's a good word) whom had his eyes shut, his breathing slow. It was as if he really was trying to act asleep. Alice insisted that we sleep in a hotel for the night so the paparazzi; whom followed us to the airport; do not know about the house they own in Seattle.

I allowed my fingers to trail down his bare chest, feeling a trail of warmth stay on his skin. Dark Golden orbs suddenly flashed open as he quickly grabbed onto my trailing fingers, glaring down at me. His golden eyes suddenly darkened even more. Almost onyx. Like the first day I ever laid my eyes on him. "Sorry." I simply muttered as he released my hand to dart out of the bed and toward the adjoining door, seeing Alice open it immediately.

"We'll leave soon to go hunt." She lifted his arm to peek underneath, smiling brightly at me. "You Bella shall stay here while we hunt. It'll only be a few hours but you have to stay within the hotel." I growled in annoyance. "Don't worry about it Bells." She pranced to my side, grabbing a hold of my waist to fling me from the bed. "You can have room service and everything!" She seemed excited. "And you can do work!"

"But I don't want to!" I retorted, glaring at the pixie vampire. "This is supposed to be a vacation! My time off away from that novel!"

"No need to have a hissy fit Bella." Edward replied. Lately, the male has been a bit of a meany. "It's work. If you wish to keep the life you have now. Then you shall do your job and finish the book."

"Edward. I got nothing for the novel! I can't think of anything to do for it!" I snapped, my eyes glued to his dark ones. He was simply frustrated.

"Your manuscript is due in less than a month Bella. You've had extensions for the drama that has happened in the past two months but you must work on it if you wish to keep this lifestyle. If it weren't for this job you'd be still in Forks. Probably dating Newton." His voice cracked slightly at the word Newton. I remember that I dated the boy when I returned shortly after becoming famous. Just to pick up my parents.

Didn't last long.

"Lifestyle. I despised this lifestyle." I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Thanks to it I'm more stressed out, have fear of being stalked, possibly murdered by an insane fan. And I'm being stalked by sleazy people." I sat down on the couch, sighing angrily as my lids molded together. I could hear the two of them whispering before I heard the adjoining door slam shut. No shuffling. No patting feet.

I growled, my fists curling as I opened to see nothing but the room door shutting. I stormed to my feet to punch the wall, screaming in annoyance. I was acting like a small child not allowed to go outside, but I was screwed up enough. I can do this!

"Calm down." Edward's voice hit my ears as his arms curled around my waist, causing a scared scream to leave my lips, my fingers prying on his own. Once it registered in my mind I stop my fight on the icy fingers and melted into his chest.

"Sorry." I apologized. He only chuckled.

"Don't. A lot has happened. You need to release that tension sooner or later." His icy lips touched my neck, right at the hairline. I could hear the monster within, the growl that softly erupted from his lips. Then the same routine came along. His arms unfastened themselves from my waist and he moved several feet away, mix emotions clouding his dark eyes.

I sighed, sitting myself down on the bed, my fingers fondling the phone. "Go." I ordered, already dialing room service. Before he could open his mouth I spoke. "If I eat, then you shall too." I commanded before hearing Jasper walk into the room, grab a hold of my love's arm to drag him out. I felt a soft peck on my forehead before warmth enveloped me. "Ice cream. Lots of it." I replied to the woman on the phone.

--

Going against what Edward and Alice had told me to do; I traveled the hotel like any small child would do. What every small child seemed to be doing. I watched children under ten run through the halls with such speed it made me rethink their race.

One child caught my eye. He was slim and tall. He was no child. Floppy blonde hair covered his head that worked well with a slightly tan complexion and ocean blue eyes. He smiled down at the small girl at his side, which bore his eyes but had dark brown hair. I caught myself staring before he looked up at me and grinned.

I didn't go weak in the knees as Edward did but it did have an effect on me. It brought annoyance, familiarity. I knew this male. He was too familiar. Before I could actually think whom the male could be a small pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, pushing as hard as they could be. It was the small girl. Her tiny hands were pressed up to my shin, pushing, shoving as hard as they could. I smiled at her.

I put all my weight into my torso to allow my body to fall back, falling down on my butt. The girl seemed please before staring at me in shock.

"Oh! Sorry!" She quickly cried out before the water works began. The man quickly rushed to the girl's side, trying to hide the grin that was seeping through.

"I'm so sorry!" He said in fake shock as I looked up. It was almost too good, almost professional. But I knew actors, I knew how to find the difference. He wrapped the girl into his arms before holding out his hand. I approved his gentlemen like action and took it, lifting me to my feet. "I'm sorry about that." He apologized before staring down at the girl. "Are you alright Jess?"

The girl, Jess, smiled before gleaming at me. "I did it! I was able to push Ms. Swan down!" I smiled.

"I'm sorry. Her Mother reads your books all the time." He spoke, grinning at me once again before holding out his hand. "Michael Jenk." I took it once again.

"Bella Swan." I smiled. Then it hit me. I formed an 'Oh' as it exited my mouth. I kept a hold on his hand and shook it furious. Not enough to disturb the child or break it, but enough. His grin widened. "Oh wow, I've wanted to meet you for so long. I love your movies." Now I knew why I knew his flaws.

"Well, you have met me once before Bella." I knew confusion was written all over my face as he chuckled. "Mike Newton is my real name."

I laughed in delight and hugged him. "Oh wow! It's been too long Mike!" I gleamed, looking down at Jess. "So, this would be Jessica's kid then. Right?" He nodded his head.

"Yes. I guess you got the invite then. Too bad you couldn't make it. But yes, this is Jessica, or Jess. Stanley divorced me shortly after we had Jess here. She couldn't handle the stress I was bringing home." He leaned down to kiss Jess's head, whom giggled in response.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I was happy when it was for that reason. I was always cranky and such. But I always take days off in advance when I know I'm having Jess for awhile." He grinned before setting Jess down onto the floor, which decided to run down the hall. "We were just about to go down to the lobby for lunch. Would you like to join us?"

I smiled. "Yes, that would be wonderful Mike."

We were laughing the entire time, my eyes dancing across Jess, whom began climbing the jungle gym. We decided to go to a local McDonalds so she could play as we caught up. And we were.

"Committing suicide?"

"Fact, but I was crazy and drunk the majority of the times."

"Marrying that Indian kid?"

"Oh, total rumor. Press assumed that when he began living with me. But he was actually trying to keep me safe. Yah know, from the drugs that were floating around my home."

"Wolf attack?"

"Fact. I was actually up in Alaska when the event happened. I was talking to my parents when it happened so I got a good sight of the incident."

"You seem to sound so calm when saying it." His hand reached over to cover mine as I sighed, taking it away.

"It's because I'm used to it." I simply replied, sipping my cup of coffee. He eyed me for a second before sighing, seeming that he would get no other emotion over the fact.

"What about Cullen?" He asked suddenly, venom dripping from his name.

"What about it?" I asked suddenly, turning my head to look at Jess whom decided to walk back. I could see her stare at her father for a moment before turning on her heels to move back, sulking almost.

"Are you hanging out with him again?" He asked as I stared at his child, whom began giggling with a small boy.

"Look Mike." I murmured, smiling. "She made a friend." I could see Mike twist his head to stare at his daughter, a grin on his face. "She's going to be popular when she's older."

"Yeah." He murmured once before facing me again. "Now, about Cullen. You cannot get me off topic with this." He snapped. "Are you hanging with him again?"

"Of course not Mike. The paparazzi somehow got pictures of Edward and I from high school and photo shopped it." I sarcastically spoke, annoyed. His brows furrowed.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Bella?"

"Doing what? Living?" I snapped.

"Bella! You're dating your high school sweetheart that left you after Junior year!" He argued, standing up. Before I could even open my mouth to speak, his hand was there, grabbing my chin. "How can you do this? I was there for you! You simply ignored me!"

"Mik---"

"No Bella. I won't allow you to do this! How would your parents feel? They watched you rot away because of that man! How is it that you simply allow him to come into your life?"

"Your making a scene Michael." I quickly replied, ripping his fingers from my chin. "Also, my parents wouldn't care as long as I'm alive. If it weren't for Edward, I'd be dead! I would never have lasted through all the drama that has happened. I would have destroyed myself for my parents' sake! I would have jumped off a building as I thought thousands of times while he was with me!" I rose to my feet. "His family, my friends, was there as well. They're the reason I'm still alive!

"If it weren't for them you'd be at funeral as my corpse is being buried six feet under the ground beside my parents." And with that, I left.

I wasn't sure where I was, but I ended up in a book store, trying to avoid my fans, to avoid reality. I knew fairly well that even if Alice saw the ordeal that just happened, she wouldn't allow Edward to skip a meal just so he can scold me. She knew me better than that. She knew I couldn't handle the stress.

My fingers lay across the multiple vampire books that stocked the shelves today. My own laying just several feet away, on a larger shelf. I felt almost disgusted. I knew that someday, a vampire will read my books and come after me, knowing I know their secret.

Even though I tweaked their way of life a bit, it still was similar in a way. But I enjoyed writing my life into a book; enjoyed writing out all my emotions.

Now that I think back to the time I began writing, I do not remember the reason why I decided to write about Edward. Maybe it was because I still wanted to remember him, still wanted to think of him; even through the painful memories.

Maybe it was because I wished to think he was still a part of _me_, and that every person, every fan could love him as much as I did.

If only my book could be reality. How ironic that it is, yet, I wish it was my book a reality, and not reality.

"Excuse me." A soft voice brought me back as I released my eyes from my book to stare at myself. But, it wasn't I. The girl grinned, revealing pearly white teeth that reflected well with her pale complexion. She looked almost identical to me, except her hair was much dark, and much shorter. She also bore piercings on her lips and nose.

"Yes, may I help you?" I replied, almost gnawing on my lip. I wanted to be her age, wanted to be her. Happiness gleaming in her eyes, her skin glowing. Such confidence.

"Your Isabella Swan, right?" I looked down at her now nervous fingers holding my last published book. Her posture suddenly slumped, as if all her confidence just shed off of her.

I simply nodded and it came back. It was if Jasper was here, controlling her emotions, wanting her to fidget and then gain confidence.

"May I sit with you then? I feel silly asking you this though, but I'm a fan of yours and every other person in this store is a pervert." She almost giggled at the last word before awaiting my answer. I smiled, nodded, and sat down on the chair down the aisle. She was ecstatic almost. "So, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Depends how personal."

"It's about your final book. I know a lot of drama has happened lately, but I was curious when it shall be published?"

I sighed, rubbing my neck. "Actually, I haven't even finished it myself. See, because of the drama and my new roommate, I haven't worked on it." I laughed softly. "I'm supposed to be working on it this very minute, but I'm not in the mood."

"Oh!" She gleamed. "I know what you mean!" I raised an eyebrow as she giggled, biting into her lip. "Well, I don't know the stress but I write every now and then for school. It's a pain when the teacher expects me to write when I'm not in the mood."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Welcome to my world then." I grinned before grabbing a book that caught my interest.

"Ah, Thirsty." The girl grinned. "That's a very interesting book. I enjoyed it."

"You like vampires?"

"I'm absolutely obsessed with them. I always wished since I was little that they were real." She rose to her feet and curl her arms around her. "Just to feel their cold dead flesh wrap around me and I could study them." She spun around suddenly, grinning from ear to ear. "At first, I never thought vampires could have icy skin till you wrote your book." Her fingers quickly shot out and grabbed a hold of my novel, flipping through before laughing. "I always suspected him to be warm like any other person but I never thought that he would be icy. I never fully comprehend that his body _is_ dead and would never conserve energy again." Her grin seemed to widen before sitting down.

"Wow, that was a long time ago." I murmured, tapping my chin with my index finger.

"It completely changed my thoughts of vampires. I didn't think about their bodies. What you said was completely correct. I can only imagine how it would feel against my skin."

I grinned, remembering the first time I felt _that_ feeling. "Yes. But imagination is a strong thing. You could feel it one day."

"Really? Is that how it was for you when you thought this? Feeling the icy fingers slide up and down your flesh, leaving a trail of bumps, an sensation." I shivered at the thought. I could feel myself in that situation. Just by how this girl spoke, how some of her words had second meanings just drove me insane. Just knowing that Edward would not satisfy me in that way annoyed me. "I always thought of that. The main character in your book feeling that way when her lover would just rub her. Oh, imagine how the sex would be."

I was correct on her second meaning. "Aren't you a bit young to be thinking of _that_?"

She only laughed, her fingers fiddling with the hemming of her skirt before sitting down once again. "I'm not that young Ms. Swan. How young do _I_ look?"

"I don't know. Between sixteen and eighteen." I spoke. She laughed.

"Oh wow, I feel like a teenager again. Actually I'm only twenty one. Not much younger than yourself." I was amazed at how younger she was. Only a couple years younger yet she looked incredibly young. "It may just because of your addiction Ms. Swan." Her hand went to my back, patting is slightly. "I bet you would look seventeen again if you didn't allow drugs and alcohol to age you."

"You're right." I grinned. "But I'm over that." I laughed, hearing her join in until she spoke up.

"Hello? May we help you?" I could hear she wasn't speaking to me. I knew who she was speaking too.. I ignored it and buried my nose in the book.

"I'm here for Ms. Swan." Edward's smooth voice could almost rip me from the book, but I simply glanced up before reading.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen." I replied, trying to act profession. "But I am with someone."

"Ms. Swan. The others are _waiting._" He sounded stress. But I _was_ with someone.

"Oh my. I feel incredibly dumb. I never introduced myself." She suddenly rose to stare at Edward and slightly at me, showing she was also speaking to me. "I'm Michelle Stanley." She simply put it, holding out her hand toward Edward, whom stared at it warily.

"Edward Cullen." He quickly shook her hand. She was thinking something that made him suddenly wince and release her hand. "Please Ms. Swan. It's time to leave."

"Edward. I'll call you when I'm finished. Please?" I slightly rose to stare at him and he simply took in a deep breath and looked at Michelle.

"Alright Ms. Swan. Please call before nightfall. There is something that we must discuss with you about our next stop." I nodded, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he rushed out, holding onto his head. Michelle turned back to me, almost shocked.

"Something the matter Michelle?" I asked, allowing my hands to rest on her shoulders.

"What's the probability of someone having poor circulation in their hands?" Her head whipped to the window before back at me. "His hand was freezing. Almost like in my dreams."

"Oh yes. He has had that since he was little." I replied, sitting down to read the book again. "He was always sensitive about that. His Mother used to call him a vampire baby." I laughed, hearing her calm down. "He despises my writings."

"Just because of an old nickname?" She scoffed before sitting down beside me. "That's ridiculous. Seriously." She rolled her eyes once before standing up, looking toward the front window. "I better be going then. It was nice meeting you Ms. Swan. Tell Mr. Cullen it was nice meeting him as well." And with that she rushed out, leaving me in the store alone.

"What?" I practically screamed, staring at Alice, whom was gleaming. "No way!" I quickly argued before she could speak.

"Come on Bella. It's just to Forks for a short while. Don't you want to see Angela or Ben?"

"No. I won't go back there." I quickly crossed my arms and turned away from her.

"But Bella." I could tell she was trying to cry. Trying to get her voice to choke as if she were. But she can't pull it off like me. "It'll be snowing. Won't the town look beautiful covered in a white blanket. And what about the meadow? How gorgeous that'll be. Remember how it was in sunlight? Imagine it in an blanket of snow."

Was she trying to just bring me into lala land? Possible another sleepless night just so I would agree into going?

"What's the point? We're going to Denali. It'll be snowing and just as beautiful." I retorted, staring at her. Her eyes glossed over, her face frozen in a shock expression before melting back into a positive one.

"Oh, you won't regret this Bella! I swear it!" She gleamed, her icy arms wrapping around me before prancing away. Edward was staring at her warily, almost as if he didn't catch the few second vision.

"She's up to something, right?" I asked softly, quickly jotting down a few lines for my story. Even though I now despised it and wished to be able to erase the entire thing and put in large letters **The End** at where I last loved it. I knew that I could not. I would be bombarded by Fans. Something not even vampires could hold back.

Edward gave a simple nod before sitting down beside me, rubbing my back. "Did you have fun today?" He whispered, kissing the top of my head. He's been doing it a lot lately. I've been curious for the answer.

"Yes I did. Jess, Mike and Jessica's daughter is such a sweet heart. It breaks my own to see her staying with him." I sneered, my typing become slightly harsher. "He's so mean, so cruel. I know he hurts that girl in some way." I slammed my fists into the keys, allowing my tears to flow freely. Where they came from, or when they began to sting my eyes was completely unknown.

"Bella?" He spoke softly again, his fingers quickly grabbing onto my wrists to decrease the gibberish that was polluting my manuscript. I soon found my face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I don't know if I can go back there Edward." I cried. "I don't think I can go back to Forks. I don't want to. I miss them so much." Ever since the incident I've tried to hide the emotions that clouded my mind when it came to my parents. Was Jasper forcing me to do this? Or could I no longer take it?

"Shh." His fingers rubbed up and down my back, trying to sooth me as quickly as he could. But then he said the words I didn't want to hear. "I understand."

I quickly pushed myself away from him, staring at him in disbelief. "How do you understand?" I quickly shouted, wiping away the tears and snot that remained on my face. (Oh how I hated the after effects of crying.)

"Bella, I lost my parents as well. Years ago."

"But you didn't have to watch your _best_ friend kill them practically in front of your eyes! You didn't have to go to the funeral and just imagine what you could have done! What you could have avoided! You don't have any clue what I'm going through Edward."

"But I do know what you're going through. I'm a hundred years old. I've killed people. I've had to watch my parents die through the flu. Sure, it was just an illness and not a friend. But I do know how you're feeling. The day my Mother passed away, I wanted to change her. Allow her to live _my_ life." I took a couple steps back as he rose to his feet, walking toward me, hands out. I shook my head furiously.

"He's coming after me Edward. You don't have to worry about dying now. I do. I have vampires coming after me, a werewolf who wishes to just talk things out." I lowered my head, allowing the tears to fall to the flooring. "I'm sick and tired of this Edward. I'm tired of being scared, being hurt by these human emotions." I knew my words soon turned into nonsense, mumbo jumbo, but I did not care.

"You need sleep crazy lady." He teased softly as I punched him enough to hurt myself. I must remember that my punches does not hurt him, but instead hurt me. He gently kissed my fist, setting me down on the bed. "You can write on the road."

"But I don't want to." I mumbled, burying my head into the incredibly comfy pillow.

Before I knew it I could feel myself drifting into the nightmares I now feared. I was once again running, crying heavily as I dodged through the thick snow, screaming out Edward's name. I could hear patted feet crush the snow as they chased after me.

"Bells! Wait!" Jacob's voice echoed. It was angry, furious. He was going to change; I could hear the change in steps. A sharp stinging sensation hit my back as I was forced into the snow, allowing it to freeze my blood. I shrieked, scared for why the snow was being dyed red.

"Bella!" Edward's voice hit just as snarls echoed, my eyes glued to my love and the werewolf. I could feel myself crying, sobbing as the snow smacked into my back, sending a numbing sensation. "Bella." He called again.

The snow began to fall away from beneath me as my own world vanished, morphing into Edward's face and the hotel room. His arms were wrapped around me, rocking me gently. So that was the reason for the icy feeling.

"You alright?" He whispered, knowing I was awake.

"Yeah, just a nightmare." I murmured. I buried my face into his chest, allowing my fears to vanish, only when growls echoed. I turned to look upward and Edward no longer sat, but instead a monster.

Edward told me about his monster. But I never believed the man. I never truly believed he was a monster.

I was so frightened.

I quickly ran when I felt his icy fingers begin to dig into my sides. Was this another nightmare?

I really hope so.

--

Rain began to drizzle. Splattering across the windshield where the wiper would soon appear and take it away. I was beginning to ignore the three, feeling exhaustion take over my system. I could feel the cold air from outside seep through the glass and into my skin. Alice's and Jasper's argument was a faint sound, along with Edward's bickering.

I just wanted to go into my own world, and ignore the frightening vampires.

I was scared for my life as we entered Forks. I didn't want to think about how this is where my parents met, where I was born, where my Mother left my father and I returned years later, only to screw up my life. I never wanted to think of my parents in fear I would break down once again.

"Bella?" I faintly heard Edward as the car slowed to a stop in front of the small cottage that I once called home. I lifted my heavy head from the glass as the door swung open and I was lifted into the air by surprisingly warm arms. I could see the worry radiating from his body. "You're freezing Bella."

How ironic.

Before any drops of rain could hit me I was rushed into the home and set down on a dusty couch. I watched in awe as the particles flew into the air and slowly danced around me. Alice's small body danced around me; trying to clean up as much as she could without making me sneeze a thousand times. But she only make my sleep deprived mind become more hypnotized by the floating particles.

"Bella. Are you alright?" Jasper asked softly from behind me. I simply nodded softly before setting my head on a clean jacket that reeked of Edward. Before I knew it I could faintly hear Alice calling my name in fright before everything turned to darkness.

--

"Bella?" My Mother's voice echoed through my ears. Warm blankets wrapped themselves around me, almost constricting my arms from movement. Loud high pitch beeps echoed through wherever I was.

A dull throb of pain was noticeable, but not horrible. A hot hand held mine and a loud snore came from beside me.

"Bella, are you awake?" I pulled apart my lids. They felt as if they were a hundred pounds. Her skin was looked dead. Dark, heavy bags were vivid beneath her tired eyes. I wanted to scream in delight that she was awake. "Oh thank goodness. You're alive." She leaned down and hugged me tightly, but avoiding my left arm. I turned down to stare at the iv tube that was piercing my skin.

"What happened?" I managed to ask.

She looked puzzled. "Do you not remember honey?"

"Yes. Jacob murdered you and Dad. Then Edward saved me, and we returned." I stopped, seeing her face twist into sadness and pain.

"Bella. You attempted suicide again." She grabbed a hold of my hand to reveal the stitching in my hand. "You somehow went into a coma and have been there for days. It was all a dream." She kissed my injured hand before Jacob awoke, grinning from ear to ear.

"Bella! You're awake!" He cried out in joy. I could only sob and bury my face into my pillow.

"It was all a dream." I sobbed out.

My parents were alive. My best friend was still my best friend. But my love was still missing. Still gone from my life.

I knew then how to end my novel.

**End.**

---

A/n: I am sorry about the wait. I've been busy with school and haven't been on this computer in ages. If you can tell, my writing style changes from time to time. I wrote this on different days, so different moods. I am sorry this is the end, but I must. Thank you for reading.


End file.
